"Checklist For Writing Like A Fangirl: #1 Polyvore"

Polyvore. The teenaged girl's haven for character development, because everyone knows that you define a character by her clothes, right?

I do love Polyvore. Don't get me wrong, but I'm fairly certain that most girls who write stories like the kind I'm giving you a checklist for right now spend countless hours on Polyvore, putting together outfits for their characters to wear and give lengthy descriptions of. For example:

I went to my closet for a pair of jeans, a top, shoes, and accessories. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans, a shiny blue top with rhinestones, and a short black jacket. I was feeling edgy today, so I grabbed a strappy pair of black stilettos and black hoop earrings.

That wasn't so bad, actually. A little too much for my taste, but not horrible. But then we have something that could work a little better. but whatever you do, do NOT attempt the following:

I went to my closet and selected my clothes, then went to the bathroom to change.

*le gasp* Oh noes. I did not tell exactly what my character is about to clothe in. How horrible of me to leave such things to the imagination.

You should probably use something like this:

I went to my closet, which is about the size of an average bedroom (my parents are sooooo rich), and looked for an outfit to wear today. I wanted jeans and a top and shoes and accessories, like always. So I quickly went about searching and grabbed an ADORABLE blue top I'd just bought the other day and hadn't worn yet, a butt-hugging pair of black skinny jeans that hugged my butt perfectly, a pair of strappy stilettos that showed off my edginess, and a wristful of bangles. Then I stuck jangly hoop earrings in my ears and grabbed the necklace I'd gotten from my ex for my birthday last year.

Translation:

I skipped in all my awesomeness to my MASSIVE closet where I walked in and decided on my outfit for today. I put on this AWESOME BLUE TOP that showed off EVERYTHING,  an amazing pair of BUTT-HUGGING skinny jeans that hugged my FAT BUTT PERFECTLY AND SHOWED OFF EVERY GLUTE, a pair of DANGEROUS POINTY HEELS that would snap because I couldn't balance my FAT BUTT in my amazing BUTT-HUGGING JEANS, and sooooo many shiny accessories that I was PRACTICALLY GLOWING LIKE EDWARD CULLEN - OH. MY. GOSH. Then I ate a huge breakfast that made my FAT BUTT even FATTER and I went to school. Then I tripped on the way down the sidewalk of my huge mansion owned by my SUPER RICH parents and I fell in a bush and died. The end.

"Comments I Might Make At The Movies #1"

"Why do the badguys always confess like that?"

"Her eyes are way too far apart. She looks like a freaking squirrel."

"Fifteen minutes in and we still don't know what's happening!"

"DUH, it was in the closet."

"Ugh, FINALLY. She annoyed me. Is it wrong to be happy she's dead now?"

" - hysterical laughter during dramatic death scene - "

" - hysterical laughter during explosion scene - "

" - hysterical laughter during romantic scene - Hahaha, he's eating her face..."

"Seriously? He has time for the dramatic last words? If there's that much blood, he's SO not talking. He's dead right now."

"MANJAW!"

"Oooh, lookie. It's the big man with the magical chainsaw. Ooooh..."

"Omigosh, it's the vampire! He's so sparkly!"

"I. Hate. Them. All."

"What is with the manjaws these days?"

"Whew! I'm glad that movie is over! Bo-ring!"

"I would probably be enjoying the whole cars-turning-into-robots thing more if there wasn't a guy kissing a woman with a manjaw creeping me out."

"A diabolical doll. Whoo-hoo. And next we have The Return of Barbie! Oh no! She'll attack us all with her dieting pills of doom! Run for your life! She'll make your waist disappear and zap your butt away! Nooo!"

And so on. And so on.

I don't go to the movies, if you catch my drift.

-your most erratic hero

"Instrumental VS. Album Version #1"

Okay. Here's how it goes.

We have the categories:

□                                □
Album Version        Instrumental Version

And we have the checking system.

■ yay
□ nay

When the box is black, yay. When the box is clear, nay.

And now we have our contenders.

                                                                                            Microphone raises and the little bell dings.

Don't You Wanna Stay by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson

□                               ■
Album Version        Instrumental Version

No offense to the original version.

But the instrumental pwns.

I wasn't entirely a fan of this sing until I heard the instrumental version on Myspace, and then I was sold. The keyboard got a little pitchy in some places, but still - it's one of those songs that immediately turns awesome when made a karaoke version.

Not that I would do karaoke.

I have better things to do.

Most of the time.


New Divide by Linkin Park

□                               ■
Album Version        Instrumental Version

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE the album version of this song. It's amazing. Awesomely amazing. Awesomely epically amazing.

Yes. I said it was epic.

But why did I check Instrumental Version over Album Version?

Because the album version is just epic.

The instrumental version is an epic.

When I listen to the instrumental version, I picture a Naria-esque battle scene with intense violence and some minor 300 Movie midtones.

I envision a final battle to the death between Spiderman and Venom on top of a skyscraper, and Spidey slowly weakening as Venom grows stronger and stronger, and a cliffhanger as our friendly neighborhood Spiderman takes a plunge from the top of the building.

Over-thinking much?

A little bit.

But, really. Check them out. Am I right. Am I wrong?

What do you think?

- your most erratic hero

"Popping in to Say...Views?"

It's the most interesting thing when your blog gets 24 views one day, and 0 the next.

Not to mention it stinks.

- your most erratic hero

"Thank You, Disney Jr"

An interesting insight.

I actually think that Disney Jr is a better channel than Disney Channel.

Why? Because the little kid shows (well, the fairly older ones, like my beloved Koala Brothers) aren't trying as hard. I'm not a fan of the new kid shows, though, with the whole "teaching things and trying very hard to teach them over and over and over" thing, but I do love the channel.

Koala Brothers.

Jojo's Circus.

Higglytown Heroes, Johnny and the Sprouts, Rollie Pollie Ollie - just seeing the titles is nice. And technically, watching kiddie shows isn't wrong, really. After all, I'm a kid. Well, not one in the average age group that watches this show, but still.

And Sprout.

I adore the Sprout channel.

The Bearenstein Bears before bed is quite relaxing. And while I read Hamlet tonight (for fun, because I'm home-schooled and have no life, remember), I'll probably turn on Disney Jr and watch the Koala Brothers before I hit the sack, because I do adore that show.

Wrong?

No.

A little immature?

Maybe.

And yet epic. Try it sometime.

- your most erratic hero

"I Will Destroy All Aliens"

Not really.

But if you haven't caught on already, guess who watched Ben 10: Destroy All Aliens last night?

And because I did, and managed to go the entire week without exploding waiting for the movie to premier, here's a short review.

Ben 10 was...well, ten, and not his quirky sixteen year old self, there was unfortunately no epic Kevin, seeing Grandpa and knowing he doesn't make it to see the Ultimate Alien timeline almost sent me into a raging bout of undignified tears, there were plot holes, there was the fact that you didn't really learn the plot until the last forty-five minutes of the film, and quite honestly I thought the scene where Mechamorph confronts the evil Way Big desperately needed an always-touching Luke...I am your father moment.

However, I'm not picky.

So all things considered, great movie.

(Fun Fact: If anyone else expected an actual sneak peak of Ben 10: Omniverse and not just three airings of five seconds tacked onto the normal length of a comercial, say "I".)

"What is a Manjaw?"

Manjaw (alt. - man jaw, man-jaw): when someone who is obviously not a man has an unattractive jawline (square, etc.) causing them to look manish.

And why do I bring this up?

I've had a problem with manjaws for a while now. A long while. Especially when I'm watching TV and some make-up ad comes on, and there are all these models supposedly showing off the oh-so-natural make-up that you can't even see under the warpaint they've caked on and trying to pass off as the actual product of the commercial, and I just can't take my eyes off that jaw.

The Manjaw.

And, yes, I know, I know. You can't judge a book by its cover. You can't judge a non-man by her manjaw.

But really.

And there's more than just one of these models with the insanely square or manish jaw. That's the sad part. It's not just the models, either. It's anyone and everyone I see who thinks they're beautiful when really people just hire them for movies and Google them and follow them on all those social networking media sites to stare at their manjaws. It's hard not to.

There are lots of types of manjaws, and here I'll list a few:

1. The Melon Manjaw



This was one of the first manjaws I came across, and yes, it was on a make-up ad. This jaw is notorious - you can't miss it. The Melon Manjaw occurs when you have a large, rounded jaw that's about the same as, or wider than, the circumference of the rest of your face.

Have one? Want to cover it? Two words: long hair. Then you'll be covering the sides of your face, so no one will know that the width between your temples and the width of your jaw are the same, and all you have to worry about is the melon-esque quality of the visible jawline.

2. The Boxy Jaw 

Very similar to the Melon Manjaw, but less defined. More or less a normal jaw, but with the same boxy qualities of a manjaw. Very bad for those who are close to having a normal jaw, but are tragically stunted in the manjaw-less growth.

Again, long hair. Easy fit. Just don't pull your hair back from your face like the commercials.

3. The Flare `n Fit

This happens when you have a jaw that flares out just before the reasonably pointy chin. Very discouraging. Unfortunately, unlike the others, there's not much you can do to hide it, because by covering the "flare" of the Flare `n Fit, you still have the pointy chin.

And if you have one of the manjaws listed, or one of the other variations, don't take offense.

Really.

Don't.

It's not that you can help it, right?

After all, it was mainly aimed at those celebrities who don't seem to realize how square and manish their jaws are while they're walking the red carpet. And if they can afford to have so much chipped off their noses and other areas under the knife of Hollywood's greatest plastic surgeons, then I'm sure they can afford to have a little taken off that manjaw.

Anyway...

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: For those who watch as much Say Yes to the Dress as I do, yes, the Flare `n Fit is a direct parody of the mermaid style, AKA the fit `n flare.)

"The Art of Internet Flirting"

There's something I've been observing lately online, and it's the behavior of teenaged girls on the internet.

It's freaking embarrassing, and they're setting a horrible example.

But surfing Wattpad is fun, especially when reading through the messages of teenaged girls who run around on the site, latching onto any guy they see and attempting to flirt. It's funny. It's hysterical.

But most of all, it's impractical.

And that just makes it all the more funny.

Since I'm just a socially secluded descendant of species 8,700,001 (AKA, a Home-Schooler), I've never been out to witness the actual act of flirting. But from what I've seen on TV, it usually goes like this:

You walk up to whoever is in your sights and drop a handkerchief, or, if you're a guy, bow politely and say, "May I have this dance?"

But that might be too many eras ago. Here's something a little more practical.

Girl walks up to boy.
Girl: Hi.
Boy: Oh. Hi.
Girl: So.
Boy: ...Nice day.
Girl: Sure.
Boy: What's up?
Girl: Nothing much. You?

And conversation starts, maybe.

And then we have the teenaged girls of the internet, who flirt through their keyboards.

Girl (typing): Lolol, hiiiiiii <3

Or...

Girl (typing): Make me a sandwich!

...or...

Girl (typing): *runs in circles, screaming* Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! <3

No joke.

And no comment.

OR, we could put the teenaged girls of the internet out into the real world and see what we come up with.

Girl walks up to boy.
Boy: ...Uh...hi.
Girl begins to run in circles.
Girl:  LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH OUT LOUD, HIIIII! MAKE ME A SANDWICH! I'M SOOOOOO CRAZY! I LOVE YOU!!!
Boy quickly walks away. Girl returns to her computer.

So, to all and any girls I see on Wattpad who are flirting shamelessly and thinking they're charming and attractive by saying silly and explicit things, you're not getting anywhere. Please give it up before I use my superpowers for evil and mass-report all of you for inappropriate behavior.

Just saying.

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant About Photos"

That awkward moment when you spend an hour attempting to take at least one decent picture of yourself.

That awkward moment when you try to photoshop a photo to be an at least half decent picture of yourself.

That awkward moment when the awkward turns to annoyance, and then the annoyance turns to throw-down-the-camera and smash-the-computer-screen rage.

I'm sure it's happened to all of you at some point.

And right now, I should go teleport myself a new laptop.

- your most erratic hero

"Popping In...For Nothing, Really"

Your most erratic hero is thinking of a post. Oh, wait. All done.

- your most erratic hero

"We're Off to See the Wizard!"

I've never seen the Wizard of Oz.

I never really wanted to.

I would rather watch Phantom of the Opera, or West Side Story, or one of those other classics. However, I've been singing "we're off to see the wizard" in my head over and over and over for the past couple of days and I'm getting a little sick of it because that's all I know of the song.

"We're off to see the wizard..."

And that's it.

Over. And over. And over again.

Darn my life with a Mark 12 Techadorian Multiblaster.

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: I forgot about Ben 10 Week yesterday and missed it at four o'clock - Alien Force, too, but me getting up before 8:30 in the morning even to watch one of the greatest shows ever? Psh - so I am officially a failure.)

"A Most Erratic Spelling Game"

1. Readthefollowingsentencefast.

2. SearchForTheGrammarMistakeInTheSentenceYou'reReading

ᴣ. Find nothÍng?

4. It was in the first sentence.

5. TryToFindTheSpellingMistakeInThe SentenceYou'reReading

6. Still find nothing?

7. Go back to number 3 and realize that I used a Latin "i" in "nothing"

8. Realize there was no number 3.

9. Stare at number 3 and believe that I'm crazy.

10. Beware that number 3 was a Latin Ezh, not a 3

Time well wasted.

- your most erratic hero

"Ben 10 Week?"

There are some days that people like me just live for.

Or, in this case, weeks.

This week, starting tomorrow, is Ben 10 Week. Ultimate Alien and Alien Force every day, leading up to the premier of the new CG movie, Ben 10: Destroy All Aliens on Friday, and and AND the sneak peak of their new up-and-coming series, Ben 10: Ominverse.

To say that I'm psyched would be the understatement of the year, from Planet Earth to Osmos V.

I'm clearing my schedule (not that us Home-schoolers have one, har har) and my week is going to be almost entirely based around Ben 10.

I will watch Ben 10.

I will sulk about waiting all those days until the movie premier.

I will play Ben 10 Ultimate Alien: Cosmo Destruction.

I will smack the crap out of my watch in public places and eventually I will transform to NRG.

I will be a psycho-freak, obsessing over a childrens' action series, and I won't be normal again until next week, when Ben 10 Week is over and television has gone back to it's semi-interesting state.

Uh-huh.

Unfortunately...I still have to wait until tomorrow for Ben 10 Week to actually start. It's only Sunday morning. And I just hyped myself up for positively nothing, really.

Yeah. It's been one of those days.

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: Fellow fan? Guess the quote from Night of the Living Nightmare. I put it in an obvious beyond obvious place.)

"Sneak Peak: RE:A.LITY"

"Happy Pi Day!"

And I can see you there, pointing at your screen right now, bouncing up and down in your seat and giggling hysterically because of, oh! A typo! Superpowers, remember? I know where you live, person who doesn't even know how many countless times I've saved you (invisibly, I might add). So sit your butt down.

But, no, that wasn't a typo. Not at all. I meant to say pi instead of pie.

Although I prefer the later.

It's some math day, for all of you math-lovers. Personally, I don't like math all that much. We have a...love-hate relationship, you could say. I rough through algebra at my dining room table, and it tells me how many minutes to the second that I have left before the bomb tied to the radiator in that one basement explodes. Fair trade. Business partners. Nothing more, nothing less.

We aren't friends.

But it's not like I have a Most Erratic Hero day, so I guess I can't be one to talk, and once again, mathematics belittles me.

Happy freaking pi day.

- your most erratic hero

"Mail Diaries: The Venom"

On my way out the door to get the mail earlier this afternoon, I nearly stepped in something apocalyptic.

It could have just been an oddly-shaped muddy footprint, but when does it ever rain around here? Or it could have been something left by the animals that come around here. But it was a little big for an animal, even the duck who leaves her "presents" where she knows we'll have to dodge to avoid them.

No, this was something different.

When Peter Parker first came into contact with a mysterious black substance, Venom was born. We know how that worked out, so why would I take chances?

To avoid any unsavory confrontations, I planned to bring the hose around to wash off the mysterious offending substance, and I was just stepping over it when something odd began to seal itself around my ankle.

What the animals leave washes off easily and fertilizes the pentas lanceolata in the flowerbed.

It doesn't grab people.

And that's when I was positive something was wrong.

Instinctively, I kicked. It latched on, slimy and gross and starting to cover my sandal. If you've ever had black goop attack you on your front porch, you should know that it's not fun. Not fun at all. Stomping on it didn't work. Grinding it into the porch didn't work. Ew-worthy slime was creeping up my leg and my mind flashed to Secret Wars #8.

Yelch.

As awesome as it would be to have my own personal Venom, something had to be done about this, because my parents are so not happy with extraterrestrial life forms inside the house. Any Anodite powers I may or may not have are far from being mature yet, but I worked with what I could summon. Grasping at the slime with beams of mana shooting from my palms, I tried desperately to fling it away.

No luck.

I pressed my hand against the railing and let my body take on its matter, hoping the slime would lose its hold. Still no luck.

With one more desperate attempt, I rushed to the hose and turned it on to it's full power.

Surprisingly, at the impact of the cold water, the slime disattached itself. In fact, it splattered, landing a good thirty feet away and disappearing into the grass. My hyped-up brain told me to go after it, but my common sense told me to get the mail and run.

So I did.

And a nice, long shower was in store.

"And An Inspirational Quote From Your Most Erratic Hero"

"Sometimes it means everything to do absolutely nothing in no time at all"

- your most erratic hero

"Life Savers of the Teen Mind"

I'm sure everyone has their favorite band, singer, actor, author, etc.

If you really like them, fine.

If you bow at their feet, sure.

If you use your backstage pass for evil and steal some of their possessions for a collection, whatever.

Just don't say they saved your life.

And if you do claim that they saved your life, please tell how, so some adolescent superheros can take notes. Or, lemme guess - you froze while swimming upstream in a frigid Canadian lake last winter while trying to break into Justin Bieber's house, and he axed you out of an ice block?

No, no. Gerard Way jumped into your flaming car moments before it toppled off a cliff and pulled you to safety.

Actually... The members of Big Time Rush really are super spies, and saved you from certain death when you accidentally saw that thing you weren't supposed to see in the Bahamas.

So, which occurrence happened?

All of them?

Oh, what's that?

None of the above?

Yeah. I thought so.

No offense to those hardcore fans of anything, but seriously. When all of you say it, it gets a little unbelievable. Someone can only be in so many places at once, y'know. Even Batman can't do that. I know, I know, "saved my life" can just be a figure of speech, yada yada, but still.

Unless they took a bullet for you, I can pretty much assure you that there was kinda no life-saving going on here. If they pulled you from a burning building, roundhouse-kicked the crap out of that mugger who was just about to steal the sweat-stained t-shirt you just stole from said favorite person's dressing room, shoved you out of the way of a speeding truck carrying a load of stolen goods before sending the truck into the guardrail and saving two illegally imported elephants, then, yes. They did save your life.

Congratulations.

But if it was some of those examples above, they probably died doing it.

- your most erratic hero

"Poll Time"

After about a three-day disappearance, I have decided to put up a poll.

I think I'm getting enough few viewers for that, right? And, of course, first poll is about the blog, because doesn't everyone want to know what people think of their writing? We kid-bloggers take opinions with a grain of salt.

If someone says it's not good, however...well, that poll is going down.

- your most erratic hero

"What to Post When No Posts Come to Mind...?"

Moment of spontaneity + "create new blog" + a post religiously every day + how many days into a blog and already running out of ideas = story of my life.

- your frazzled (though still most erratic) hero

"Cereal Box Cameras"

The great camera debate.

Why is it that there are so many cereal box cameras used in videos? For anyone who might be uninformed, the cereal box camera is the camera with such cheap quality that it looks like something you would find in a cereal box. Hence the name.

Anyway, even celebrities use these , it seems. You'd think that your average famous person would be paid enough to buy an at least semi-decent camera, right? And if they have them, and they must make these vlogs and such, why aren't they using them?

I'm confused.

My sidekick and I have an amazing video camera. We can take pictures, make videos, and basically do whatever we want with it with great quality as a result. And if we can do it, why can't celebrities?

And on the topic of celebrities looking like commoners, what's with the hippie-fashion these days? You can only have so many variations of magazine covers you can pose for before you start getting a little bit trampy. Just saying.

Think about it, famous people.

- your most erratic hero

"Fun Fact..."

...Ducks and doves and other head-banging birds only bob their heads when they walk because they're shifting gears. Believe it.

- your most erratic hero

"Backstreamers VS Mainstreamers"

"Do I listen to _____? Are you kidding? No way. I'm not mainstream, I listen to ______"

One of the most annoying conversations one can have.

It's one thing to have your music tastes - everyone does. Some of you like My Chemical Romance, some of you prefer your Adele. That's fine, that's fine. But the real problem comes when you start bragging, and telling people how mainstream you are, or how not mainstream you are, and going out of your way to buy as many posters and CDs from the most mainstream of all mainstream artists, or going drastically in the other direction.

But the question is, who's worse?

Mainstreamers? Or Backstreamers?

In case you haven't picked up, mainstreamers are those people who buy up all the concert tickets for the most popular artists at the time, and talk and talk and talk about how awesome these artists are, just so they can be up with all the latest trends.

And backstreamers are those who take pride in not listening to the mainstream artists. They'll go as far as possible away from anything other people might like, to the point that they're just as bad as the mainsteamers.

Take the Bebliebers. Justin Bieber. Personally, I don't like pop so I don't listen to him, but I have nothing against the Biebs. Why would I? I don't know him. And, technically, he's no different than any other artist out there, just trying to make a buck or two or few million. So why all the hating? Why all the going around saying,

"Psh, I HATE Justin Bieber, I listen to Linkin Park."

Linkin Park is about as mainstream as it gets right now. Face it, fans. And I have nothing against Linkin Park, either. But then you have those,

"Psh, I HATE Linkin Park, I listen to Ke$sha."

I don't know anything about Ke$sha because it's just not my music taste, but I think you get the picture. Fans of certain things go to extremes to hate something other fans are fans of, and the fanning and the hating can get horribly out of control.

Recently, I read a "story" about how much some backstreamer (not self-proclaimed, I'm just calling her that because I can't give out names) hates Justin Bieber. Why would she say that, you ask? One of her excuses was because all he sings about is girls and money, apparently. And was it my imagination, or was she also a fan of some Mr. Money Bags who only sings about cars and girls and money? I don't remember the exact artist, but you know what I mean.

And it doesn't just go for music, either. How about the Twilight debate? At first, Twilight was just another series, and if you liked it, you liked it. And then, once it got popular, it was sooooo awesome and if you were a real teenage girl and not some alien zapped down from outer space, you had to like it. And now, since it's gotten far too popular for some backsteamers to handle, they all have to come out of the woodwork and say how much they ABHOR this series.

Well, I don't like sparkly vampires or werewolves (oh, excuse me - shape-shifters), but I don't go around expressing my distaste to the world. Technically, it won't help anything. Just like it won't help anything to be a screaming fan who has millions of posters and is overall obsessed with something, rampaging the streets and calling anyone who doesn't like something you're obsessed with a loser, or worse, or sending out death threads (ahem, tweenage girls of Twitter) because someone is stealing your guy right out from under your nose when he's how-many-miles away, and probably doesn't even know you exist.

For the record, I am not a backstreamer or a mainstreamer. For anything that I said I didn't like, I just don't like it - period. And I mentioned it. Here. In an article. Why? Because it was an example. EXAMPLE. I don't like Harry Potter, either (don't kill me), or the Hunger Games (I'm hiding now). But don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong with liking them, and I would if any of those things were my taste.

But they aren't.

Alas.

And if you do like them, and you're screaming at your monitor right now as you read this, then I guess you'd be a Rabid Fan, which falls under the mainstreamer category. And if you're simply rolling your eyes at the mere mention of any of these names, then I guess you're a backstreamer. But if you agree with me on any of these points I've made...

...Well...I guess you're an Epic Person.

Falling under the Most Erratic Hero category.

- your most erratic hero

"To Whatever Guy Currently Oggling Whatever Girl..."

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but decency is up to the eyes themselves"

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant About...How To Script A Writing Site"

On most writing sites, we have categories for everything.

Poetry.

Short stories.

Books.

And, of course, the in-betweens - sub-genres of sci-fi, fantasy, paranormal, romance, humor... But, really, there seems to be a lack of one very important category.

What about the scripts?

No offense to all you writing sites, but there happens to be a very large amount of us who would love to read and publish our scripts along with our other works. Classifying them as a novel or a short story just doesn't cut it for us. And often we have to go to other places than our writing sites to read them, like Scribd, or even blogs like this one.

Why?

Why the injustice, exactly?

I mean, what would happen if we decided to leave out the romance category? I'm sure there would be a lot of angry teenagers without their daily fix of tragic romance. And what about the paranormal section? That would start an anarchy. Or - gasp! - the vampire and werewolf section. World War III, anyone?

Of course, it's completely unbeknownst to most people that the unknown script-writers of teen writing sites are secretly steaming with rage. I've dragged it out of a couple writers that they agree with the whole "give me scripts or give me death" movement. It's a pretty good cause.

Sure, it might take a little rearranging. Take out a category or two for room, like celebrity news or even fanfiction, if you must. After all, the majority of those "I Married (insert rock star's name here) and He's a(n) (insert mythical creature here), Say WHAT?!" storylines and their excessive use of exclamation points and name-dropping must get a little old after a while.

As for a script category, you could actually learn something.

Make something of yourself.

Become a somebody.

Well...maybe not, but still. All I'm saying is that more writing sites should give scripts a chance. I don't care what kind of scripts. Short films, stageplays, feature lengths - anything.

 Your Most Erratic Hero
(annoyed)
Come on, Writing Site Population.

FADE TO BLACK:

- your most erratic hero

"Planet WWW"

Was it really beauty that killed the beast?

No.

It was social networking.

Obviously, the Internet and what goes on around the Internet has to be responsible for a lot, good and bad. I mean, look at this blog. Who's reading it? Probably no one. I could be standing right behind your desk chair, holding an anvil over year head, and if your choice was to get my blog address right on the first try (no looking!) or to meet your Loony Tunes-esque demise, I'll bet I know which one you'd chose.

The anvil.

And it's discouraging. Very discouraging. Putting all this work into writing a blog that I'll bet only five or so people have heard of. And my Twitter page. Don't even get me started on my Twitter page.

Just don't.

I won't even give you the link. It's too embarrassing.

Not to mention all the other stuff that goes on here on Planet WWW. Cyberbullying is more than an empty inbox, or a horrifying lack of followers, or a nearly vacant friends list containing three foreign strangers and Image Not Available avatar that is probably the friendly mask of a forty year old man who claims to be a fourteen year old girl with fat issues and acme.

Cyberbullying is bad. Very bad. And it's only getting increasingly worse. You most likely won't find me on Tumblr, or Myspace, or - gasp, scandal! - Facebook. Too risky, and I really don't have much of an interest in it, except for maybe Farmville, but still - Dwarf Village will suffice for me.

There are many things you can do to shelter yourself from cyberbullies. Don't let them terrorize you. Don't let them get under your skin. If they grab ahold of you and don't seem to want to let go, don't let it turn into a trainwerck situation - don't keep turning back to look at the catastrophy, and twisted metal and smoke and other things you don't want to see, but can't turn away from.

Walk away.

Cyberbullies may think that it's just a game. Who knows - maybe they just don't get it that they're actually hurting people, not just taking shots at words on a screen. And maybe they don't get that it isn't just a fun thing to do after school when their parents aren't looking and when the big, wide open plains of the Internet are so free and welcoming. It's psychological warfare.

The Joker is the master of psychological warfare, to a point. He runs on fear. But he's a maniac and maintains a certain air of awesome, so he doesn't count. But cyberbullies are not awesome, even if they think they are. The Joker can think he's awesome all he wants, but Batman is still going to beat him. Unfortunately, with cyberbullies, a lot of the time it doesn't work that way.

So the next time you check your email for a new notification of followers, or obsessively check your friends list for new takers, or your comments or your messages or whatever, just forget about it. Turn on your heel, maybe pretend you're reaching down for that penny on the floor and flash the Internet the moon for its big old world-wideness, and carry on happy-go-lucky.

Not that I personally have much against the Internet. I love you, Planet WWW...

"I used to think I was funny...but my lack of retweets discourages me."

...But, seriously.

- your most erratic hero