"Ultimate Spider-Man: Exclusive Review"

I'm not going to refrain from saying that this series now has me very worried.

The plot itself was good, though. Great, even. Well, half of the plot, and that half being the The Hulk storms the city in a battle against Zzzax, and Spidey teams up with him to stop the little electricity twerp. That would have been far more entertaining if we'd actually gotten to see the fight from a proper view point.

Now for the bad part.

Almost the whole episode was from the view of a video camera. Mary-Jane got an interview with Spidey (*cough, cough* with Petey, who loves her from afar, ahem) to enter a contest. That would have been all good and dandy if if wasn't done the way it was. It could have been interesting, if it wasn't all, "this is Mary-Jane live," "live report from Mary-Jane," blah blah blah all the time.

She kind of annoyed me, as she always seems to in this series.

No offense. She has the potential to be yet another awesome character, but she's not quite there yet. I hope the writers will step up their game.

Anyway! Back to the fact it was all from a video camera. What kind of a camera has such awesome zoom and yet it cuts out all the time? And I was watching the battery level through the whole episode - it started off full, but then it slowly ticked down until the battery was almost drained. And then, whoops! It's full again. Whaaaaa...?

Okay.

Fine.

I'm picky.

So web me.

Also, the lack of SHIELD is making me sad. The other members made a brief cameo in the beginning of the episode, and Nicky was there, but still. They need to be around more. Like, a lot more. If this series is going to do something like a group of teen superheroes working together to fight crime, then they need the teen superheroes. All of them. The writers seem to have been straying from that the past few episodes.

AND.

I never thought I'd say this, but...I miss the whole family values thing. I mean, what did the kiddie viewers learn in this episode? Nothing. Not that I care, but the inconsistency of Ultimate is starting to go a little bit awry.

So...that's really all I have to say this time. Not their best episode at all. And it's a shame, because bringing in The Hulk could have been pretty awesome. That, and I wish Gwen was in this series. I've said this already, but if there must be a love interest, Gwen all the way. Sorry, MJ.

Didn't see it? Tune in for it again tonight! And please check out the poll on the side to give me your opinions on this week's episode!

- your most erratic hero

"Ultimate Spider-Man: Why I Hate Gym Review"

In this episode, Taskmaster, hired by Mr. Osburn, goes to Peter Parker's school undercover as a substitute gym teacher. He gives the students test to see if he can find the one who is secretly Spider-Man. While he sees that Petey meets the quota, his physical skills are less than desirable (of course, Petey is just faking to hide his identity from the other students, and unknowingly, Taskmaster).

There's a call-back on Saturday with a select few students (including Flash Thompson) so he can determine which is the one he believes is Spider-Man. Ava, ticked that she didn't get called back, is at the school, and notices strange goings-on. So she calls Spidey.

Spider-Man and White Tiger have to work together (*cough, choke* teamwork *cough*) to save the students and defeat Taskmaster.

The episode was funny. And action-y. And very much Spider-Man.

But I've just got one major beef.

Where was Sam? What episode can be called an episode without Sam? Hello.

Herp derp, writers. Herp derp.

Anyway.

Spidey and Tiger storm the building. Taskmaster is already inside, terrorizing Flash, Harry Obsorn, and Danny, who was also called back, coincidentally, and has tied up Principal Phil Coulson. Danny gets Flash and Harry to relative safety and then attempts to use his Iron Fist powers to stop Taskmaster, but quickly realizes that Taskmaster can match his every move.

Taskmaster then leaves Danny defeated and goes to find Spidey, who he believes is Flash Thompson.

And the episode goes from there.

Not really much to say in these reviews anymore, considering that I think I've covered mostly everything opinion-wise in previous reviews. So really, all I have to say is that, if you did see it, check out the poll on the side of the page, perhaps?

And if you didn't see it, or just want to see it again, check it out again tonight!

- failing in terms of writing reviews,
your most erratic hero

"The Mustai Craze"

A new species has begun and it's already endangered.

This is what it's called: Girls Who Do NOT Have An Obsession With Mustai.

And for those uninformed, mustai is plural for mustache.

I know, you all say mustaches, but I don't. Can't. Mustaches reminds me of pistachio, as in pistachio ice cream. So if I was to ever say mustaches in public, I would probably end up uttering mustachio, further embarrassing myself.

So it's mustai.

Anyway.

It seems like having a mustache is the coolest thing ever. Mustaches are awesome. But, really?

At some point, I'm pretty sure that guys thought having a mustache makes them look tougher, but Don't Mess With The Zohan-esque mentality has them now way too indulged in their amount of body hair and it seems that facial hair has gone to the girls. Apparently, girls think now that mustaches are cool on each other, or themselves, or whatever.

It's plastered all over the Internet and several forms of pop culture: girls taking pictures of themselves with a mustache. A squiggly mustache doodled on a little piece of paper and taped to the lip, a mustache scribbled on the index finger and held beneath the nose, some strands of hair from which you can inhale your own shampoo, a mustache drawn carefully on the upper lip with a magic marker.

Anyway they can think of, they do it.

I'm guessing that the mentality that girls having facial hair is a bad thing has gone completely out the window now, because girls seem to think it's the coolest thing to have a mustache, even though what they don't seem to understand is that by doing any or more of the mustaching techniques above, it makes you resemble LOLCats in funny little suits and bowties with I Haz Mustache thought bubbles over their heads.

As evolution will have it, soon it will be almost impossible to find a normal shirtless guy picture on the Internet, because they'll still be shirtless, yes, but they'll all have taken a Sharpie to their pecs and drawn on lacy little bras and bikinis because it will be oh so cool and, yeah, you can't touch this, `cause I Haz Bra and whatever.

However, if that doesn't happen, we'll have another problem. Guys will suddenly feel emasculated by all the girls with mustaches and they might just go into hiding, or join The Joker in his journey for world power, and no more shirtless guys for the teenaged girls of the Internet who can't be arsed to wax or shave or wipe the ink the heck off their upper lips.

So technically, teenage girls are building up their own demise.

But, whatever.

So, go on. You haz mustache. Your awesome radiates and you're practically untouchable.

- your most erratic hero
    (who, by the way, no haz mustache)

"Ultimate Spider-Man Review: Flight of the Iron Spider"

Too many commercials and, honestly, not much substance.

But as of yet, that's a little beside the point.

In this episode, we got to see our legendary Iron Man, aka Tony Stark, whom Spidey apparently has a man-crush on, according to Nova. We open up with the members of SHIELD battling Living Laser, who poofs off, and then Spidey meets his idol, Iron Man, who offers Spidey "guidance".

An offer that Nick Fury will have nothing of.

And you can't blame Nicky, because what happens when Spidey goes against an order to stay away from Stark is probably exactly what he envisioned erupting. Tony builds Spider-Man his own iron suit, thus Spidey vows to become Iron Spider.

Which, might I add, is a beyond awesome name.

Anyway, getting into the episode after some long commercials, we got to the classic Disney aspect of it, which kinda disappointed me a little, even though I saw it coming. When Spidey shows up to training in his new iron suit, he gloats and yada yada, and the team gets annoyed with him. So, obviously, after a few days of this and Spidey accidentally destroying pretty much anything in his path because he doesn't know how to control the suit just yet, they get fed up with him, and ditch him completely after another run-in with Living Laser.

But after they walk away, Spidey notices something wrong with the suit.

Something that wasn't just his inability to use it right.

And I don't want to give it away for those who haven't seen it. But if you're someone reading this review because you didn't see it, it's on again tonight, so watch out for it, and if you really want a little hint before waiting some hours for the episode to air again, you know how the suit runs on energy?

And Living Laser is energy?

Yeah.

If you've just stumbled upon this review? Don't really watch Spider-Man but like what you're reading? Check it out, why don't you - it's seriously awesome.

And if you're a non-Spidey fan but looking to see what it's like, same as above. Watch it!

Anyway, I think this show is finally getting into the groove of actually making episodes, not just instances in the life of Spidey as a superhero. Not that those first episodes weren't awesome, because I haven't seen a non-awesome episode of US yet. However, I think we're still a little cheesy here.

The importance of friendship.

Reliability.

Teamwork.

The usual.

I just hope that life lessons aren't pounded continuously into kids' heads in this series. And I also hope, for all kids watching, you know, that they stop with the strategic camera angles of Ava in her White Tiger suit.

*ahem*

Not to mention, I hope that someone else gets the victory now and then, and not just Petey. Do NOT get me wrong. I love Spider-Man. He's awesome. But it seems like he always comes out on top and the other members of SHIELD are just there to back up his awesomeness. They have awesomeness too, right? The show needs to showcase it just a little more, and they weren't really key characters in this episode, even though they had their usual screen time.

Anyway.

If you like Iron Man, I'm sure you'll like this episode. I did, anyway. And tune in next week for another new episode!

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: Check out the poll on the side. Who looks the best out of superhero uniform?)

"What Makes A Friend A Friend #2"

A good friend will fight alongside you for a good cause.

A best friend will fight alongside you to the death in an Avengers-esque showdown, and scream "You'd better be worth this, loser!"

- your most erratic hero

"What Makes A Friend A Friend #1"

An awkward moment.

"Well, Then..."

That awkward moment when the blog you've been so psyched about writing begins to lose interest. Huh.

- your most erratic hero

"Ultimate Spider-Man: Venom Review"

 The premise of this episode is simple.

We open up with Spidey fighting a mysterious robot in the subway. Run over by a train, the robot is destroyed, but, unbeknownst to Spidey, out crawls a mysterious little mechanical insect. And what does this mysterious little mechanic insect have? A mysterious vial.

Later, Mr. Osborn has to go away for a little while, and son Harry hosts a party in his dad's penthouse. Petey and Harry are having a bit of a falling out, so things are awkward. What's even more awkward? About to get toilet-dunked by Flash Tompson.

But what erupts out of "Mr. Osborn's fancy toilet"? Well, it's gooey, and black. And it growls, before you get any smart ideas.

So obviously, it's Venom.

The Venom gets to taking over the other members of SHIELD on the rooftop of the penthouse. That was definitely entertaining to see, because the power of the Venom along with their default powers? Duh. Awesome.

And when Spidey pretty much battles himself? Epicness.

But I don't want to give it all away.

Let's just say it was awesome and leave it at that until you see it for yourself.

One little problem, though.

What happened to the iconic Venom we all know and love? No offense to this Venom, who is still awesome, because Venom is always awesome in whatever style he's in, but...where's the tongue?

The tongue is legend.

Not to mention, way to go, Mary-Jane. Again. This character obviously doesn't think before she acts. I think this would be the second time that she almost got Harry, y'know...killed?

This time, he almost went splat.

Which amuses me that normal people can cling to a building like that, but whatever.

Mary-Jane is awesome at all, but I think the writers need to work on her a little bit. Take out some of the "oh, my aspiring career, blah blah blah, scoop of the century" stuff. It'll make her all the more likeable.

Also, I'm not sure if the episodes seem really long enough to do the show justice. They do what they can in their time slot, but really - in some places, it seems a little rushed, and then it seems like there was really not much of a storyline at all.

But I do still love the characters. Quite happy that Iron Fist is in there more, but now it seems like Power Man is still not in enough. Sam is hilarious, as usual, in Nova form or otherwise, and I like White Tiger way better in Ava form than superhero form.

However, still picking up a draft here. Why am I getting the feeling that each episode has a theme? Teamwork, the sense of responsibility, and today, friendship. It's not as blatant as it could be, but for those older than eight who don't particularly need our life lessons in the form of butt-kicking superheros, it could tire easily.

Just a bit.

And I just realized that this review is a little on the short side. Oh well. Reviews will probably be shorter now that we're through the initiation stage of Ultimate Spider-Man, and now we're into the nitty gritty of things. Excellent episode, as usual, Spidey, and can't wait for the next one!

Didn't see it? Catch it again tonight at 8 o'clock. You won't regret it.

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: When I said that Venom isn't the awesomest villain, I'm not just trying to be all controversial here. My favorite Spidey villain is Kraven the Hunter, of course, but Carnage? Carnage is the awesomest, in terms of villainness. And no one uses him enough! One day when I'm rich and famous and zooming around the world with my custom superpowers, I'm making him a movie. Seriously.)

"Songs, And When Not To Play Them #1"

Song: Lie Lie Lie by Serj Tankian

Occasion: Ex-girlfriend's funeral

An awesome song.

But playing it here?

Never.

Never.

No.

Just...no.

First, it would be tasteless. Very tasteless. And second, it would raise suspicions, don't you think? You might have a lawsuit on your hands.

"Take my hand and let's end it all
She broke her little bones on the boulders below
Take my hand and let's end it all
Broke her little bones on the boulders below
And as she fell, I smiled..."

- your most erratic hero

"American Idol vs LBP...Hm..."

Missed the first half of American Idol - too busy playing Little Big Planet. Wrong? Not really.

- your most erratic hero

"Little Note To My Viewers..."

The few of you out there, ha ha.

Thanks for the views. Since last week, when Ultimate Spider-Man premiered, Sunday/Monday have been awesome days for this blog, so I hope you come back for the next Ultimate Spider-Man review next Sunday!

- your most erratic hero

"Ultimate Spider-Man: Doomed Review"

Episode three of Ultimate Spider-Man.

Still awesome? Yes.

A tiny twinge of doubt? Yes.

First, the plot.

Well. We have the other members of SHIELD, who are now going to Petey's school. And Petey (Spider-man/Webs) doesn't get along with Sam (Nova/Bucket Head). Their squabbling gets them in a mess (literally), which skews way off course and eventually leads them to rushing to defeat Doom, dragging the rest of the team with them. Chaos ensues.

You get the drill.

Now, I'll list the awesome factors. One being Doctor Doom. I wish his character was used a little bit more, actually, even though the whole episode practically revolved around him, but not as much as I would have liked. I mean, really. This is Doom we're talking about.

And, hey. Something I'm loving about this series? The fight scenes aren't flimsy. No need to skip on the fantasy violence for sensitive kiddie eyes. Besides, it's not like ripping the head off a robot is the goriest thing known to mankind, right? Just a few sparks, no blood, no guts (yet...). Could use a smidge more variety in the long run, but who's judging?

Oh, yes. Of course, the characters were still awesome. Mary-Jane? A little less Mary-Sue, losing some of her Annoying. I can definitely live with it. And the teen superheroes? We got to see a bit more of their personalities egos, in this one and that was great.

(I didn't want to say anything, but I was beginning to think they were a little flat).

Not to mention, Power Man and Iron Fist have been a little over-looked (which is odd, because there epicness radiates like kyrptonite). They got more face time. Booya.

And I did enjoy the storyline. Nova and Spidey have been at odds since they first met - obviously, there's going to be tension. The competitiveness between them was hilarious, because what's Spider-man without trash-talking quips, right?

And did I mention the commercials? Five minutes of commercials every...what, seven minutes? That seriously puts a damper on the show. I'm trying to watch some action here, so what makes Disney XD think I want to watch toy commercials over and over and over?

It was an epic episode, but I'm getting just a little bit worried. I haven't gotten the impression that this show is particularly aimed towards kids, but now I'm not so sure.

What I'm trying to say here is the whole message about teamwork was a little cheesy.

Just a little.

And, as my mom pointed out, the token female character thing. Ugh. Almost every show like this has it. Not that I don't like White Tiger, because she's awesome, but I think that they went a little overboard on the catsuit. Because of this, I'm guessing the age range of this show is from seven to twelve to fourteen to twenty-five.

    7 = seven year old girls who will cry while watching with their older brothers that there is no girl character.

    12 = the older brothers who couldn't care less about having a girl character or not and watch it because it's Spider-man, duh.

    14 = the guys who watch and make jokes about White Tiger's costume because they're at the age of Stupid Teenaged Boy Antics.

    25 = those guys living with their parents who watch the show simply on account of White Tiger's costume.

I guess there's always going to be a token. But until she turns out like Gwen Tennesyn and furthur proves her awesomeness, I'm a little skeptical.

But all in all, epic show.

Let's see if they can keep it up, huh?

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: Yes, my mom watched Spider-Man with me - how many kids can say that?)

(Fun Fact: Yes, I know. I'm not actually on the scale. But I'm a Kid Who Loves Spider-Man - let me squeeze it between 7 and 25.)

"Saturday Afternoon Checklist #1"

Wasting my life on Polyvore: free.

Revamping my Twitter page?: free.

Laughing at things that aren't funny?: free.

The average teenaged bored-on-a-weekend stupidity: priceless.

- your most erratic hero

"American Idol: 80s Night? Psh"

80s night on American Idol and nobody sings "Loveshack". A sad time for us all.

- your most erratic hero

"Checklist For Writing Like A Fangirl: #2 The Mega Title"

Mega titles are basically like this:

My New Best Friend Is WHO, And He's A WHAT? I'm Logan Lerman's New WEREWOLF MATE?!

(Poor Logan. No one deserves that. I'm sorry.)

Anyway! As you can see, you need a very, very long title. Use CAPITOL LETTERS, the first person narrative, at least one ?!, and always give off the impression that it is a very hyperactive teenaged girl screaming out her woes to the public.

Good? Good.

And you must be quirky.

Say things like, My Mom Got Married To A Vampire And His Sons Are One Direction! Oh, Brother!

Um...Why Did I Just See Justin Bieber Outside My Window?

Mom! Who Told American Idol They Can Film Inside Our Living Room?!

I have one thing to say about titles like this.

Not a book for preschoolers?

Then not. Cute.

- your most erratic hero (whom is not amused)

"Ultimate Spiderman: Great Power Review"

I missed the actual pilot for Ultimate Spiderman yesterday.

I did see the second one, though, so that's why I went ahead and wrote up my Great Responsibility review. But now that I watched the first one this morning, I can write its review!

In case you haven't read my other review, or haven't seen this show and are simply looking to see if it's worth watching or not, here's a brief overview before I start:

Peter Parker, aka, our Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman, gets an offer from Nick Fury to join a league of teenaged superheroes named S.H.I.E.L.D.

And before you scoff, yes, they are awesome.

At first, Spidey declines, but then one he realizes that he's not as epic as he thinks he is (well, he is epic - duh), he takes Fury up on his offer, so he can become the Ultimate Spiderman. He'll train alongside fellow teen superheroes Power Man, Nova, Iron Fist, and White Tiger.

And now that you know, things I loved about this episode?

For one, the originality.

Well, to the Spidey universe, anyway.

Backstory lasted just a few seconds. Just the way it should be. Nothing would have annoyed me more than if they'd spent the entire episode getting people up to date on everything that has happened to Spidey before the actual show beginning.

That would have been slow and tedious and I would have been pulling my hair out.

But, they did it quickly and awesomely, just so we can get the feel of it a bit and then moved right into the action. Thank you, writers and directors.

I also enjoyed the comedic aspect. A must-have for Spidey is his attitude, and I love how the writers didn't skimp. Yes, he feels bad about Uncle Ben*, but he doesn't seem to be wallowing in it like how he's sometimes portrayed.

(* If you don't know who Uncle Ben is, his name is Ben. And he is an uncle. To Peter, I should mention. Not to mention, he's also awesome. Oh, and he was killed. And Petey feels bad he couldn't save him. It's slightly tragic.)

And I love Aunt May. Her character has totally progressed over the years. Of course, who couldn't love the original, and any other portrayal, really, but I like how modern they made her.

Something I'm skeptical of? Gwen. Where is she? Or is she not in this series? I've always kinda like Gwen more than Mary Jane, to be honest, if they must have a romantic interest. White Tiger is awesome too (that's a wink-wink and a nudge, Peter), but if Petey's going to end up with someone, in my opinion, it should always be Gwen.

But she died in The Amazing Spider-Man #121.

That's sooo beside the point here.

So never mind.

Also, about Mary Jane. Sorry if I rant, but her character is off to a little bit of a rocky start with me. Don't get me wrong, I admire her whole journalism dream - it's awesome. But in the cafeteria scene, where The Frightful Four (three, actually, because Trapster is a little bit locked up, haha) come in and attack the school looking for any student who might be Spiderman (a tracking device planted on Spidey during an earlier skirmish let them there), she pauses amidst the ruckus and smiles and takes pictures for her article, resulting in Harry Osborn's (uh-huh, I'm getting to him) injury.

I mean, seriously?

But anyway, Harry. Harry Osborn is, of course (aka, duh), still the son of Norman Osborn. Kind but workaholic father Norman wants Spidey. Petey unknowingly works against Norman.

In the words of Petey, awkwaaaard.

Not sure if there will be a Joker. We can only wait to find out, right?

And another small thing I didn't like about Great Power - the stunning lack of Iron Fist. But, moving on...

I know I'm psyched for the next episode. Are you?

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: I find it hilarious that Stan Lee voices Stan the Janitor, and totally awesome. The greatest brilliance can never be squelched!)

"Things I Might Say At The Movies #2"

"If the blood is coming from his shoulder, why would he die?"

"Everyone said this movie is epic. I don't get it."

"Is the director here? Can someone point me to the director? I need to introduce him to my fists, Lefty and Righty."

"I would seriously like to strangle that character right now."

"Worlds most annoying protagonists! Die, die, die!"

" - roots for the badguys when they corner the good guys - "

"The explosion was the best part."

"Okay, seriously? That would have blown his head off."

" - during kissing scene - Okaaaay. Totally an image I didn't need to see..."

"Why would they kill off the dog? The dog was the best character!"

- your most erratic hero

"Ultimate Spiderman: Great Responsibility Review"

I was spoiled by The Spectacular Spiderman.

So, of course, I didn't think that Ultimate Spiderman could possibly live up to the preceding series.

Was I wrong?

Yes.

Drastically.

Now, during the premier this morning, I missed the first episode, but the second episode was boss. I was very much worried about the whole "team of teenaged superheroes" thing, because I thought that the show was trying to appeal to kids (yelch - not that I'm not a kid, `cause I am, but if you can't handle the hardcore superheroes, psh). But they didn't!

It's still Spidey, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Same look, same city, same everything, really. And still funny. Very funny. To me, anyway, but I laugh at almost everything so maybe I'm not the one to tell you what's hilarious and what's not. Anyway.

Not to mention, I love how it gets into Spidey's head. The flashbacks, his thoughts, his massive ego trips. All so well done, and epically entertaining.

And the storyline is super cool too. Spidey gets an offer to work with S.H.I.E.L.D., yada yada, real superhero, Nick Fury (epic dude, by the way - just thought I needed to emphasize his epicness), and Ultimate Spiderman. Spidey is good, but not good enough. He must be better. And that's why he's training. He's got a lot to learn, apparently. Humorously. Quite entertainingly, actually.

However, I must admit something. Don't get me wrong, I do love Spidey with passion.I wouldn't watch Spiderman if I didn't.

But as of right now, he's not my favorite character in this series. Second favorite, yes.

But not first.

Iron Fist is my favorite character already because, 1. He's voiced by Greg Cipes, man. I mean, come on. The man is a vocal genius. Kevin Levin? Lt. Seltzer? And soon enough Michelangelo in the new TMNT series! Come. On.

And, 2. He's got the look. The Levin Look. The shaggy hair, the everything. Only blond. But still. Epic.

And, of course, 3. Just listen to him. The guy's like a poet with superpowers and a dragon tattoo. That's just unlawfully boss.

But Spidey is next. Because he's Spidey. Duh.

Rant over, I give this show 8/10. Why eight after I just ranted like that? Because I've only seen one episode so far. Maybe it was just exceptionally good. And maybe no other episode will even touch it.

But who knows?

Patiently awaiting new episodes,
- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: Raph is actually my favorite turtle, because of his awesome-sauce-ness, but I love them all. And Michelangelo is all epic, so yeah. Haha.)

"Checklist For Writing Like A Fangirl: #1 Polyvore"

Polyvore. The teenaged girl's haven for character development, because everyone knows that you define a character by her clothes, right?

I do love Polyvore. Don't get me wrong, but I'm fairly certain that most girls who write stories like the kind I'm giving you a checklist for right now spend countless hours on Polyvore, putting together outfits for their characters to wear and give lengthy descriptions of. For example:

I went to my closet for a pair of jeans, a top, shoes, and accessories. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans, a shiny blue top with rhinestones, and a short black jacket. I was feeling edgy today, so I grabbed a strappy pair of black stilettos and black hoop earrings.

That wasn't so bad, actually. A little too much for my taste, but not horrible. But then we have something that could work a little better. but whatever you do, do NOT attempt the following:

I went to my closet and selected my clothes, then went to the bathroom to change.

*le gasp* Oh noes. I did not tell exactly what my character is about to clothe in. How horrible of me to leave such things to the imagination.

You should probably use something like this:

I went to my closet, which is about the size of an average bedroom (my parents are sooooo rich), and looked for an outfit to wear today. I wanted jeans and a top and shoes and accessories, like always. So I quickly went about searching and grabbed an ADORABLE blue top I'd just bought the other day and hadn't worn yet, a butt-hugging pair of black skinny jeans that hugged my butt perfectly, a pair of strappy stilettos that showed off my edginess, and a wristful of bangles. Then I stuck jangly hoop earrings in my ears and grabbed the necklace I'd gotten from my ex for my birthday last year.

Translation:

I skipped in all my awesomeness to my MASSIVE closet where I walked in and decided on my outfit for today. I put on this AWESOME BLUE TOP that showed off EVERYTHING,  an amazing pair of BUTT-HUGGING skinny jeans that hugged my FAT BUTT PERFECTLY AND SHOWED OFF EVERY GLUTE, a pair of DANGEROUS POINTY HEELS that would snap because I couldn't balance my FAT BUTT in my amazing BUTT-HUGGING JEANS, and sooooo many shiny accessories that I was PRACTICALLY GLOWING LIKE EDWARD CULLEN - OH. MY. GOSH. Then I ate a huge breakfast that made my FAT BUTT even FATTER and I went to school. Then I tripped on the way down the sidewalk of my huge mansion owned by my SUPER RICH parents and I fell in a bush and died. The end.

"Comments I Might Make At The Movies #1"

"Why do the badguys always confess like that?"

"Her eyes are way too far apart. She looks like a freaking squirrel."

"Fifteen minutes in and we still don't know what's happening!"

"DUH, it was in the closet."

"Ugh, FINALLY. She annoyed me. Is it wrong to be happy she's dead now?"

" - hysterical laughter during dramatic death scene - "

" - hysterical laughter during explosion scene - "

" - hysterical laughter during romantic scene - Hahaha, he's eating her face..."

"Seriously? He has time for the dramatic last words? If there's that much blood, he's SO not talking. He's dead right now."

"MANJAW!"

"Oooh, lookie. It's the big man with the magical chainsaw. Ooooh..."

"Omigosh, it's the vampire! He's so sparkly!"

"I. Hate. Them. All."

"What is with the manjaws these days?"

"Whew! I'm glad that movie is over! Bo-ring!"

"I would probably be enjoying the whole cars-turning-into-robots thing more if there wasn't a guy kissing a woman with a manjaw creeping me out."

"A diabolical doll. Whoo-hoo. And next we have The Return of Barbie! Oh no! She'll attack us all with her dieting pills of doom! Run for your life! She'll make your waist disappear and zap your butt away! Nooo!"

And so on. And so on.

I don't go to the movies, if you catch my drift.

-your most erratic hero

"Instrumental VS. Album Version #1"

Okay. Here's how it goes.

We have the categories:

□                                □
Album Version        Instrumental Version

And we have the checking system.

■ yay
□ nay

When the box is black, yay. When the box is clear, nay.

And now we have our contenders.

                                                                                            Microphone raises and the little bell dings.

Don't You Wanna Stay by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson

□                               ■
Album Version        Instrumental Version

No offense to the original version.

But the instrumental pwns.

I wasn't entirely a fan of this sing until I heard the instrumental version on Myspace, and then I was sold. The keyboard got a little pitchy in some places, but still - it's one of those songs that immediately turns awesome when made a karaoke version.

Not that I would do karaoke.

I have better things to do.

Most of the time.


New Divide by Linkin Park

□                               ■
Album Version        Instrumental Version

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE the album version of this song. It's amazing. Awesomely amazing. Awesomely epically amazing.

Yes. I said it was epic.

But why did I check Instrumental Version over Album Version?

Because the album version is just epic.

The instrumental version is an epic.

When I listen to the instrumental version, I picture a Naria-esque battle scene with intense violence and some minor 300 Movie midtones.

I envision a final battle to the death between Spiderman and Venom on top of a skyscraper, and Spidey slowly weakening as Venom grows stronger and stronger, and a cliffhanger as our friendly neighborhood Spiderman takes a plunge from the top of the building.

Over-thinking much?

A little bit.

But, really. Check them out. Am I right. Am I wrong?

What do you think?

- your most erratic hero

"Popping in to Say...Views?"

It's the most interesting thing when your blog gets 24 views one day, and 0 the next.

Not to mention it stinks.

- your most erratic hero

"Thank You, Disney Jr"

An interesting insight.

I actually think that Disney Jr is a better channel than Disney Channel.

Why? Because the little kid shows (well, the fairly older ones, like my beloved Koala Brothers) aren't trying as hard. I'm not a fan of the new kid shows, though, with the whole "teaching things and trying very hard to teach them over and over and over" thing, but I do love the channel.

Koala Brothers.

Jojo's Circus.

Higglytown Heroes, Johnny and the Sprouts, Rollie Pollie Ollie - just seeing the titles is nice. And technically, watching kiddie shows isn't wrong, really. After all, I'm a kid. Well, not one in the average age group that watches this show, but still.

And Sprout.

I adore the Sprout channel.

The Bearenstein Bears before bed is quite relaxing. And while I read Hamlet tonight (for fun, because I'm home-schooled and have no life, remember), I'll probably turn on Disney Jr and watch the Koala Brothers before I hit the sack, because I do adore that show.

Wrong?

No.

A little immature?

Maybe.

And yet epic. Try it sometime.

- your most erratic hero

"I Will Destroy All Aliens"

Not really.

But if you haven't caught on already, guess who watched Ben 10: Destroy All Aliens last night?

And because I did, and managed to go the entire week without exploding waiting for the movie to premier, here's a short review.

Ben 10 was...well, ten, and not his quirky sixteen year old self, there was unfortunately no epic Kevin, seeing Grandpa and knowing he doesn't make it to see the Ultimate Alien timeline almost sent me into a raging bout of undignified tears, there were plot holes, there was the fact that you didn't really learn the plot until the last forty-five minutes of the film, and quite honestly I thought the scene where Mechamorph confronts the evil Way Big desperately needed an always-touching Luke...I am your father moment.

However, I'm not picky.

So all things considered, great movie.

(Fun Fact: If anyone else expected an actual sneak peak of Ben 10: Omniverse and not just three airings of five seconds tacked onto the normal length of a comercial, say "I".)

"What is a Manjaw?"

Manjaw (alt. - man jaw, man-jaw): when someone who is obviously not a man has an unattractive jawline (square, etc.) causing them to look manish.

And why do I bring this up?

I've had a problem with manjaws for a while now. A long while. Especially when I'm watching TV and some make-up ad comes on, and there are all these models supposedly showing off the oh-so-natural make-up that you can't even see under the warpaint they've caked on and trying to pass off as the actual product of the commercial, and I just can't take my eyes off that jaw.

The Manjaw.

And, yes, I know, I know. You can't judge a book by its cover. You can't judge a non-man by her manjaw.

But really.

And there's more than just one of these models with the insanely square or manish jaw. That's the sad part. It's not just the models, either. It's anyone and everyone I see who thinks they're beautiful when really people just hire them for movies and Google them and follow them on all those social networking media sites to stare at their manjaws. It's hard not to.

There are lots of types of manjaws, and here I'll list a few:

1. The Melon Manjaw



This was one of the first manjaws I came across, and yes, it was on a make-up ad. This jaw is notorious - you can't miss it. The Melon Manjaw occurs when you have a large, rounded jaw that's about the same as, or wider than, the circumference of the rest of your face.

Have one? Want to cover it? Two words: long hair. Then you'll be covering the sides of your face, so no one will know that the width between your temples and the width of your jaw are the same, and all you have to worry about is the melon-esque quality of the visible jawline.

2. The Boxy Jaw 

Very similar to the Melon Manjaw, but less defined. More or less a normal jaw, but with the same boxy qualities of a manjaw. Very bad for those who are close to having a normal jaw, but are tragically stunted in the manjaw-less growth.

Again, long hair. Easy fit. Just don't pull your hair back from your face like the commercials.

3. The Flare `n Fit

This happens when you have a jaw that flares out just before the reasonably pointy chin. Very discouraging. Unfortunately, unlike the others, there's not much you can do to hide it, because by covering the "flare" of the Flare `n Fit, you still have the pointy chin.

And if you have one of the manjaws listed, or one of the other variations, don't take offense.

Really.

Don't.

It's not that you can help it, right?

After all, it was mainly aimed at those celebrities who don't seem to realize how square and manish their jaws are while they're walking the red carpet. And if they can afford to have so much chipped off their noses and other areas under the knife of Hollywood's greatest plastic surgeons, then I'm sure they can afford to have a little taken off that manjaw.

Anyway...

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: For those who watch as much Say Yes to the Dress as I do, yes, the Flare `n Fit is a direct parody of the mermaid style, AKA the fit `n flare.)

"The Art of Internet Flirting"

There's something I've been observing lately online, and it's the behavior of teenaged girls on the internet.

It's freaking embarrassing, and they're setting a horrible example.

But surfing Wattpad is fun, especially when reading through the messages of teenaged girls who run around on the site, latching onto any guy they see and attempting to flirt. It's funny. It's hysterical.

But most of all, it's impractical.

And that just makes it all the more funny.

Since I'm just a socially secluded descendant of species 8,700,001 (AKA, a Home-Schooler), I've never been out to witness the actual act of flirting. But from what I've seen on TV, it usually goes like this:

You walk up to whoever is in your sights and drop a handkerchief, or, if you're a guy, bow politely and say, "May I have this dance?"

But that might be too many eras ago. Here's something a little more practical.

Girl walks up to boy.
Girl: Hi.
Boy: Oh. Hi.
Girl: So.
Boy: ...Nice day.
Girl: Sure.
Boy: What's up?
Girl: Nothing much. You?

And conversation starts, maybe.

And then we have the teenaged girls of the internet, who flirt through their keyboards.

Girl (typing): Lolol, hiiiiiii <3

Or...

Girl (typing): Make me a sandwich!

...or...

Girl (typing): *runs in circles, screaming* Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! <3

No joke.

And no comment.

OR, we could put the teenaged girls of the internet out into the real world and see what we come up with.

Girl walks up to boy.
Boy: ...Uh...hi.
Girl begins to run in circles.
Girl:  LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH OUT LOUD, HIIIII! MAKE ME A SANDWICH! I'M SOOOOOO CRAZY! I LOVE YOU!!!
Boy quickly walks away. Girl returns to her computer.

So, to all and any girls I see on Wattpad who are flirting shamelessly and thinking they're charming and attractive by saying silly and explicit things, you're not getting anywhere. Please give it up before I use my superpowers for evil and mass-report all of you for inappropriate behavior.

Just saying.

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant About Photos"

That awkward moment when you spend an hour attempting to take at least one decent picture of yourself.

That awkward moment when you try to photoshop a photo to be an at least half decent picture of yourself.

That awkward moment when the awkward turns to annoyance, and then the annoyance turns to throw-down-the-camera and smash-the-computer-screen rage.

I'm sure it's happened to all of you at some point.

And right now, I should go teleport myself a new laptop.

- your most erratic hero

"Popping In...For Nothing, Really"

Your most erratic hero is thinking of a post. Oh, wait. All done.

- your most erratic hero

"We're Off to See the Wizard!"

I've never seen the Wizard of Oz.

I never really wanted to.

I would rather watch Phantom of the Opera, or West Side Story, or one of those other classics. However, I've been singing "we're off to see the wizard" in my head over and over and over for the past couple of days and I'm getting a little sick of it because that's all I know of the song.

"We're off to see the wizard..."

And that's it.

Over. And over. And over again.

Darn my life with a Mark 12 Techadorian Multiblaster.

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: I forgot about Ben 10 Week yesterday and missed it at four o'clock - Alien Force, too, but me getting up before 8:30 in the morning even to watch one of the greatest shows ever? Psh - so I am officially a failure.)

"A Most Erratic Spelling Game"

1. Readthefollowingsentencefast.

2. SearchForTheGrammarMistakeInTheSentenceYou'reReading

ᴣ. Find nothÍng?

4. It was in the first sentence.

5. TryToFindTheSpellingMistakeInThe SentenceYou'reReading

6. Still find nothing?

7. Go back to number 3 and realize that I used a Latin "i" in "nothing"

8. Realize there was no number 3.

9. Stare at number 3 and believe that I'm crazy.

10. Beware that number 3 was a Latin Ezh, not a 3

Time well wasted.

- your most erratic hero

"Ben 10 Week?"

There are some days that people like me just live for.

Or, in this case, weeks.

This week, starting tomorrow, is Ben 10 Week. Ultimate Alien and Alien Force every day, leading up to the premier of the new CG movie, Ben 10: Destroy All Aliens on Friday, and and AND the sneak peak of their new up-and-coming series, Ben 10: Ominverse.

To say that I'm psyched would be the understatement of the year, from Planet Earth to Osmos V.

I'm clearing my schedule (not that us Home-schoolers have one, har har) and my week is going to be almost entirely based around Ben 10.

I will watch Ben 10.

I will sulk about waiting all those days until the movie premier.

I will play Ben 10 Ultimate Alien: Cosmo Destruction.

I will smack the crap out of my watch in public places and eventually I will transform to NRG.

I will be a psycho-freak, obsessing over a childrens' action series, and I won't be normal again until next week, when Ben 10 Week is over and television has gone back to it's semi-interesting state.

Uh-huh.

Unfortunately...I still have to wait until tomorrow for Ben 10 Week to actually start. It's only Sunday morning. And I just hyped myself up for positively nothing, really.

Yeah. It's been one of those days.

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: Fellow fan? Guess the quote from Night of the Living Nightmare. I put it in an obvious beyond obvious place.)

"Sneak Peak: RE:A.LITY"

"Happy Pi Day!"

And I can see you there, pointing at your screen right now, bouncing up and down in your seat and giggling hysterically because of, oh! A typo! Superpowers, remember? I know where you live, person who doesn't even know how many countless times I've saved you (invisibly, I might add). So sit your butt down.

But, no, that wasn't a typo. Not at all. I meant to say pi instead of pie.

Although I prefer the later.

It's some math day, for all of you math-lovers. Personally, I don't like math all that much. We have a...love-hate relationship, you could say. I rough through algebra at my dining room table, and it tells me how many minutes to the second that I have left before the bomb tied to the radiator in that one basement explodes. Fair trade. Business partners. Nothing more, nothing less.

We aren't friends.

But it's not like I have a Most Erratic Hero day, so I guess I can't be one to talk, and once again, mathematics belittles me.

Happy freaking pi day.

- your most erratic hero

"Mail Diaries: The Venom"

On my way out the door to get the mail earlier this afternoon, I nearly stepped in something apocalyptic.

It could have just been an oddly-shaped muddy footprint, but when does it ever rain around here? Or it could have been something left by the animals that come around here. But it was a little big for an animal, even the duck who leaves her "presents" where she knows we'll have to dodge to avoid them.

No, this was something different.

When Peter Parker first came into contact with a mysterious black substance, Venom was born. We know how that worked out, so why would I take chances?

To avoid any unsavory confrontations, I planned to bring the hose around to wash off the mysterious offending substance, and I was just stepping over it when something odd began to seal itself around my ankle.

What the animals leave washes off easily and fertilizes the pentas lanceolata in the flowerbed.

It doesn't grab people.

And that's when I was positive something was wrong.

Instinctively, I kicked. It latched on, slimy and gross and starting to cover my sandal. If you've ever had black goop attack you on your front porch, you should know that it's not fun. Not fun at all. Stomping on it didn't work. Grinding it into the porch didn't work. Ew-worthy slime was creeping up my leg and my mind flashed to Secret Wars #8.

Yelch.

As awesome as it would be to have my own personal Venom, something had to be done about this, because my parents are so not happy with extraterrestrial life forms inside the house. Any Anodite powers I may or may not have are far from being mature yet, but I worked with what I could summon. Grasping at the slime with beams of mana shooting from my palms, I tried desperately to fling it away.

No luck.

I pressed my hand against the railing and let my body take on its matter, hoping the slime would lose its hold. Still no luck.

With one more desperate attempt, I rushed to the hose and turned it on to it's full power.

Surprisingly, at the impact of the cold water, the slime disattached itself. In fact, it splattered, landing a good thirty feet away and disappearing into the grass. My hyped-up brain told me to go after it, but my common sense told me to get the mail and run.

So I did.

And a nice, long shower was in store.

"And An Inspirational Quote From Your Most Erratic Hero"

"Sometimes it means everything to do absolutely nothing in no time at all"

- your most erratic hero

"Life Savers of the Teen Mind"

I'm sure everyone has their favorite band, singer, actor, author, etc.

If you really like them, fine.

If you bow at their feet, sure.

If you use your backstage pass for evil and steal some of their possessions for a collection, whatever.

Just don't say they saved your life.

And if you do claim that they saved your life, please tell how, so some adolescent superheros can take notes. Or, lemme guess - you froze while swimming upstream in a frigid Canadian lake last winter while trying to break into Justin Bieber's house, and he axed you out of an ice block?

No, no. Gerard Way jumped into your flaming car moments before it toppled off a cliff and pulled you to safety.

Actually... The members of Big Time Rush really are super spies, and saved you from certain death when you accidentally saw that thing you weren't supposed to see in the Bahamas.

So, which occurrence happened?

All of them?

Oh, what's that?

None of the above?

Yeah. I thought so.

No offense to those hardcore fans of anything, but seriously. When all of you say it, it gets a little unbelievable. Someone can only be in so many places at once, y'know. Even Batman can't do that. I know, I know, "saved my life" can just be a figure of speech, yada yada, but still.

Unless they took a bullet for you, I can pretty much assure you that there was kinda no life-saving going on here. If they pulled you from a burning building, roundhouse-kicked the crap out of that mugger who was just about to steal the sweat-stained t-shirt you just stole from said favorite person's dressing room, shoved you out of the way of a speeding truck carrying a load of stolen goods before sending the truck into the guardrail and saving two illegally imported elephants, then, yes. They did save your life.

Congratulations.

But if it was some of those examples above, they probably died doing it.

- your most erratic hero

"Poll Time"

After about a three-day disappearance, I have decided to put up a poll.

I think I'm getting enough few viewers for that, right? And, of course, first poll is about the blog, because doesn't everyone want to know what people think of their writing? We kid-bloggers take opinions with a grain of salt.

If someone says it's not good, however...well, that poll is going down.

- your most erratic hero

"What to Post When No Posts Come to Mind...?"

Moment of spontaneity + "create new blog" + a post religiously every day + how many days into a blog and already running out of ideas = story of my life.

- your frazzled (though still most erratic) hero

"Cereal Box Cameras"

The great camera debate.

Why is it that there are so many cereal box cameras used in videos? For anyone who might be uninformed, the cereal box camera is the camera with such cheap quality that it looks like something you would find in a cereal box. Hence the name.

Anyway, even celebrities use these , it seems. You'd think that your average famous person would be paid enough to buy an at least semi-decent camera, right? And if they have them, and they must make these vlogs and such, why aren't they using them?

I'm confused.

My sidekick and I have an amazing video camera. We can take pictures, make videos, and basically do whatever we want with it with great quality as a result. And if we can do it, why can't celebrities?

And on the topic of celebrities looking like commoners, what's with the hippie-fashion these days? You can only have so many variations of magazine covers you can pose for before you start getting a little bit trampy. Just saying.

Think about it, famous people.

- your most erratic hero

"Fun Fact..."

...Ducks and doves and other head-banging birds only bob their heads when they walk because they're shifting gears. Believe it.

- your most erratic hero

"Backstreamers VS Mainstreamers"

"Do I listen to _____? Are you kidding? No way. I'm not mainstream, I listen to ______"

One of the most annoying conversations one can have.

It's one thing to have your music tastes - everyone does. Some of you like My Chemical Romance, some of you prefer your Adele. That's fine, that's fine. But the real problem comes when you start bragging, and telling people how mainstream you are, or how not mainstream you are, and going out of your way to buy as many posters and CDs from the most mainstream of all mainstream artists, or going drastically in the other direction.

But the question is, who's worse?

Mainstreamers? Or Backstreamers?

In case you haven't picked up, mainstreamers are those people who buy up all the concert tickets for the most popular artists at the time, and talk and talk and talk about how awesome these artists are, just so they can be up with all the latest trends.

And backstreamers are those who take pride in not listening to the mainstream artists. They'll go as far as possible away from anything other people might like, to the point that they're just as bad as the mainsteamers.

Take the Bebliebers. Justin Bieber. Personally, I don't like pop so I don't listen to him, but I have nothing against the Biebs. Why would I? I don't know him. And, technically, he's no different than any other artist out there, just trying to make a buck or two or few million. So why all the hating? Why all the going around saying,

"Psh, I HATE Justin Bieber, I listen to Linkin Park."

Linkin Park is about as mainstream as it gets right now. Face it, fans. And I have nothing against Linkin Park, either. But then you have those,

"Psh, I HATE Linkin Park, I listen to Ke$sha."

I don't know anything about Ke$sha because it's just not my music taste, but I think you get the picture. Fans of certain things go to extremes to hate something other fans are fans of, and the fanning and the hating can get horribly out of control.

Recently, I read a "story" about how much some backstreamer (not self-proclaimed, I'm just calling her that because I can't give out names) hates Justin Bieber. Why would she say that, you ask? One of her excuses was because all he sings about is girls and money, apparently. And was it my imagination, or was she also a fan of some Mr. Money Bags who only sings about cars and girls and money? I don't remember the exact artist, but you know what I mean.

And it doesn't just go for music, either. How about the Twilight debate? At first, Twilight was just another series, and if you liked it, you liked it. And then, once it got popular, it was sooooo awesome and if you were a real teenage girl and not some alien zapped down from outer space, you had to like it. And now, since it's gotten far too popular for some backsteamers to handle, they all have to come out of the woodwork and say how much they ABHOR this series.

Well, I don't like sparkly vampires or werewolves (oh, excuse me - shape-shifters), but I don't go around expressing my distaste to the world. Technically, it won't help anything. Just like it won't help anything to be a screaming fan who has millions of posters and is overall obsessed with something, rampaging the streets and calling anyone who doesn't like something you're obsessed with a loser, or worse, or sending out death threads (ahem, tweenage girls of Twitter) because someone is stealing your guy right out from under your nose when he's how-many-miles away, and probably doesn't even know you exist.

For the record, I am not a backstreamer or a mainstreamer. For anything that I said I didn't like, I just don't like it - period. And I mentioned it. Here. In an article. Why? Because it was an example. EXAMPLE. I don't like Harry Potter, either (don't kill me), or the Hunger Games (I'm hiding now). But don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong with liking them, and I would if any of those things were my taste.

But they aren't.

Alas.

And if you do like them, and you're screaming at your monitor right now as you read this, then I guess you'd be a Rabid Fan, which falls under the mainstreamer category. And if you're simply rolling your eyes at the mere mention of any of these names, then I guess you're a backstreamer. But if you agree with me on any of these points I've made...

...Well...I guess you're an Epic Person.

Falling under the Most Erratic Hero category.

- your most erratic hero

"To Whatever Guy Currently Oggling Whatever Girl..."

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but decency is up to the eyes themselves"

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant About...How To Script A Writing Site"

On most writing sites, we have categories for everything.

Poetry.

Short stories.

Books.

And, of course, the in-betweens - sub-genres of sci-fi, fantasy, paranormal, romance, humor... But, really, there seems to be a lack of one very important category.

What about the scripts?

No offense to all you writing sites, but there happens to be a very large amount of us who would love to read and publish our scripts along with our other works. Classifying them as a novel or a short story just doesn't cut it for us. And often we have to go to other places than our writing sites to read them, like Scribd, or even blogs like this one.

Why?

Why the injustice, exactly?

I mean, what would happen if we decided to leave out the romance category? I'm sure there would be a lot of angry teenagers without their daily fix of tragic romance. And what about the paranormal section? That would start an anarchy. Or - gasp! - the vampire and werewolf section. World War III, anyone?

Of course, it's completely unbeknownst to most people that the unknown script-writers of teen writing sites are secretly steaming with rage. I've dragged it out of a couple writers that they agree with the whole "give me scripts or give me death" movement. It's a pretty good cause.

Sure, it might take a little rearranging. Take out a category or two for room, like celebrity news or even fanfiction, if you must. After all, the majority of those "I Married (insert rock star's name here) and He's a(n) (insert mythical creature here), Say WHAT?!" storylines and their excessive use of exclamation points and name-dropping must get a little old after a while.

As for a script category, you could actually learn something.

Make something of yourself.

Become a somebody.

Well...maybe not, but still. All I'm saying is that more writing sites should give scripts a chance. I don't care what kind of scripts. Short films, stageplays, feature lengths - anything.

 Your Most Erratic Hero
(annoyed)
Come on, Writing Site Population.

FADE TO BLACK:

- your most erratic hero

"Planet WWW"

Was it really beauty that killed the beast?

No.

It was social networking.

Obviously, the Internet and what goes on around the Internet has to be responsible for a lot, good and bad. I mean, look at this blog. Who's reading it? Probably no one. I could be standing right behind your desk chair, holding an anvil over year head, and if your choice was to get my blog address right on the first try (no looking!) or to meet your Loony Tunes-esque demise, I'll bet I know which one you'd chose.

The anvil.

And it's discouraging. Very discouraging. Putting all this work into writing a blog that I'll bet only five or so people have heard of. And my Twitter page. Don't even get me started on my Twitter page.

Just don't.

I won't even give you the link. It's too embarrassing.

Not to mention all the other stuff that goes on here on Planet WWW. Cyberbullying is more than an empty inbox, or a horrifying lack of followers, or a nearly vacant friends list containing three foreign strangers and Image Not Available avatar that is probably the friendly mask of a forty year old man who claims to be a fourteen year old girl with fat issues and acme.

Cyberbullying is bad. Very bad. And it's only getting increasingly worse. You most likely won't find me on Tumblr, or Myspace, or - gasp, scandal! - Facebook. Too risky, and I really don't have much of an interest in it, except for maybe Farmville, but still - Dwarf Village will suffice for me.

There are many things you can do to shelter yourself from cyberbullies. Don't let them terrorize you. Don't let them get under your skin. If they grab ahold of you and don't seem to want to let go, don't let it turn into a trainwerck situation - don't keep turning back to look at the catastrophy, and twisted metal and smoke and other things you don't want to see, but can't turn away from.

Walk away.

Cyberbullies may think that it's just a game. Who knows - maybe they just don't get it that they're actually hurting people, not just taking shots at words on a screen. And maybe they don't get that it isn't just a fun thing to do after school when their parents aren't looking and when the big, wide open plains of the Internet are so free and welcoming. It's psychological warfare.

The Joker is the master of psychological warfare, to a point. He runs on fear. But he's a maniac and maintains a certain air of awesome, so he doesn't count. But cyberbullies are not awesome, even if they think they are. The Joker can think he's awesome all he wants, but Batman is still going to beat him. Unfortunately, with cyberbullies, a lot of the time it doesn't work that way.

So the next time you check your email for a new notification of followers, or obsessively check your friends list for new takers, or your comments or your messages or whatever, just forget about it. Turn on your heel, maybe pretend you're reaching down for that penny on the floor and flash the Internet the moon for its big old world-wideness, and carry on happy-go-lucky.

Not that I personally have much against the Internet. I love you, Planet WWW...

"I used to think I was funny...but my lack of retweets discourages me."

...But, seriously.

- your most erratic hero

"The `Rents"

"Do your chores."

"You'll spoil your dinner."

"Eat your vegetables."

"When you're older."

"You're grounded!"

I've never been grounded, but that doesn't make the prospect any less scary.

There are some forces that I can imagine even the most twisted supervillain has to buckle under to at some point in their careers. The kingpin to even the most seemingly powerful person. And we all know them - they're not some underground force that no one knows or sees. Nope.

The parents.

And where would we be without them? Without them to guide us when we go wrong, to back us up, to stand behind us and support us. We would probably end up as a bunch of crazies, wouldn't we? Yes. We would.

In fact, the world would probably be a mad, raving pool of psychopaths. People of every generation, old or young, would be running amuck, "frolicking" and causing "ruckus" and behaving horribly for no particular reason other than,

"Hey, who's gonna stop me?"

Yeah.

Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman grew up with his aunt and uncle, but if he hadn't had at least those first few years of parental wisdom, picture the chaos he could cause.

So next time you're sitting in your room with your fake ID confiscated and two weeks of no video games ahead of you, wallowing in self pity, think about that.

- your most erratic hero

"And Popping In To Say...Feature-Lenth?"

Just watched a fantastic short film.

There are just some things that are exciting about short films. Or any film. I've only written two or three (one which is in the works, enter obnoxious chuckle) scripts, but probably one of the most awesome things I could do is write a feature length. That would great.

Why?

Duh.

The whole fame and fortune thing would definitely come in handy. Why? The fame and fortune part. And I'm sure writing a screenplay won't be too hard. Right?

Back me up on this, Ego.

- your most erratic hero

"And Popping In To Say..."

Thinking of my colleague Spider-man and wondering why I'm not getting his level of recognition. Watching The Voice, and wondering why I haven't invested into being a singer instead of a kid superhero with a failing career in world-butt-saving.

Come. On.

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant About...School"

School.

I do like to learn. Learning is fun. Yeah. But it's certain subjects that make the whole school experience fall flat for me.

One of those subjects being math. I don't like fractions, long division, or almost all math subjects - don't even get me started on algebra. And the worst part is, I'm stuck with them. And why? For what? It's not like I'm ever going to be in a situation that calls for extreme mental math. I'm just a kid. I'm not even allowed to watch the eating scenes in Jurassic Park, so why am I forced to do all these tricky things with numbers that I don't have a hope of understanding?

It's just not fair.

I don't like science either. To much science stuff. Plants, earth, blah, blah, blah. I don't really care.

Superman isn't all that bright, but he can save the world, can't he?

- your most erratic hero

"Life As A Hero: Spidey Villains"

I have all respect for the Green Goblin.

In fact, the Goblin is so spectacular that words probably can't do him any justice. I'm sure my friend Peter Parker would disagree, though.

One aspect I love about our little green goblin is his insanity. All good villains, in my mind, have a little bit of it. Sephiroth, Aggregor, and of course we can't forget the Joker. But the Goblin can often only focus on one thing: killing Spiderman.

If you know nothing about Spiderman but want to get into it sometime, I won't spoil his ending(s) for you. Not that he has an ending. But if he did, which he possibly does, I won't spoil it. All I have to say is that I love the dynamic between Spidey/Peter and the Goblin/Harry. It adds good depth.

However, I have to say that maybe he's not my absolute favorite villain in Spideyland. He's actually tied with Kraven the Hunter. And I don't think I can put into words why I love Kraven so much either. Everything about his story is intriguing to me, and surely you can't deny me that, right?

First of all, Kraven's epicness. The supreme strength, the power, and even the brains (kind of) behind his heinous plots. And the whole hugely imposing figure thing helps too. And he's tragic. I won't say why, exactly, because, again, I don't wait to spoil it, but once you get around to dipping into the deep, dark world of Spideyland, you'll see why.

Actually...I think we might have a three-way tie here. The third being Fancy Dan. I first decided that he was among my favorite villains - characters, even - when I read The Ballad of Fancy Dan in Untold Tales of Spiderman by Stan Lee. It delved into Dan's character like you wouldn't believe (well, to me, anyway), and left me wanting to read more about our little gangster.

As for the other villains, they're all awesome as well (I've never been the kind to just like the superheros and dislike the villains, because what's a superhero without enemies? I should know). But these three make up my list of my three favorite Spiderman villains.

And here I am talking about them like I don't even know them on a personal level. Hm.

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant About...Writing"

Writing can be a very superficial practice.

The hardest part for me these days is getting into the characters' heads. Of course, with telekinetic ability, I might be able to zone into the minds of utter strangers and steal their life stories from the safety of their own brains, but that just wouldn't seem right. My parents probably wouldn't like that.

I'll bet you didn't know I was a writer.

Well, I am. What else is a Home-schooler supposed to do in their free time when not saving the world and indulging in utter stupidity? I'm just a kid, after all - it's not like I can actually be out doing cool stuff like other kids, with my social seclusion in the Home-schooled world. Not that saving all of your butts isn't cool and all, but still.

And another problem is that I have trouble creating a plot. Not a plot like an evil villain (even though all the money is in world dominance these days). Plot like how I want to start, where the story is going to go, and what to put in it. It's getting increasingly harder. Poetry is a lot easier, to a point, because I don't have to worry about all that. But all my poems turn out depressing and I'm running out of tragic circumstances.

Hm.

Ironic.

- your most erratic hero

"When Not Saving The World..."

Weekends, weekends. How I love the weekends.

And, to add to my delight, I just found out that there is a new deluxe version of Whizz Words, one of my favorite computer games of all time. I'm playing it right now, but I'm restarting because I got dealt a bunch of letters that only got me a score of 80 in the 4-letter words category, and I'm going for 100 on all categories.

In case you're wondering how this might be a ploy in  plot to save the world as we know it from impending doom...it's not.

Until I'm finished this game, and this batch of cookies, save your own world, mortals.

- your most erratic hero

"A Little Rant...About the Internet"

Anyone who has ever plugged that little cable into their computer should know that the Internet can be a very intimidating place.

And yet sometimes, even when they're face-to-face with it, some people just don't understand. For instance, since you're reading this, how did you even stumble upon this blog? Did you click a link? Did you hear of it from a friend (or so I would like to think)? Were you surfing through blogs and decided to check this one out? Yes...hm. All very dangerous. However, pretty much every time we're on the Internet, half the thrill is the risk-taking, but still.

I can't just smack my Ultimatrix and save you from Internet danger every second of the day, you know. If I did have one (which I just might), I wouldn't wear it all the time, and awkward moments could occur.

And not that there's something wrong with my blog. I'm just setting an example. Anyway, what I'm really trying to say here is that people should be more careful. A lot more careful. If you wouldn't say it/do it in real life, don't do it on the Internet.

Not to mention, some people don't understand that when you play a video game online, it's still on the Internet. If you wouldn't give out personal information online, you shouldn't give it out in a game. And you shouldn't let your psychotic kids run amuck for hours unsupervised.

Yeah. That last one was directed at you, Mr. Maniacal Twelve-Or-So-Year-Old From Little Big Planet 2 Who Called Me Hideous Names Last Night For No Particular Reason.

Hm.

....Well. Just watch out for Internet safety, stranger danger, and all that good stuff, and if you ever encounter the player listed above, drop a bomb on the head of that little twerp.

- your most erratic hero
    (who now prepares to seek revenge...)