"Ultimate Spider-Man: Exclusive Review"

I'm not going to refrain from saying that this series now has me very worried.

The plot itself was good, though. Great, even. Well, half of the plot, and that half being the The Hulk storms the city in a battle against Zzzax, and Spidey teams up with him to stop the little electricity twerp. That would have been far more entertaining if we'd actually gotten to see the fight from a proper view point.

Now for the bad part.

Almost the whole episode was from the view of a video camera. Mary-Jane got an interview with Spidey (*cough, cough* with Petey, who loves her from afar, ahem) to enter a contest. That would have been all good and dandy if if wasn't done the way it was. It could have been interesting, if it wasn't all, "this is Mary-Jane live," "live report from Mary-Jane," blah blah blah all the time.

She kind of annoyed me, as she always seems to in this series.

No offense. She has the potential to be yet another awesome character, but she's not quite there yet. I hope the writers will step up their game.

Anyway! Back to the fact it was all from a video camera. What kind of a camera has such awesome zoom and yet it cuts out all the time? And I was watching the battery level through the whole episode - it started off full, but then it slowly ticked down until the battery was almost drained. And then, whoops! It's full again. Whaaaaa...?

Okay.

Fine.

I'm picky.

So web me.

Also, the lack of SHIELD is making me sad. The other members made a brief cameo in the beginning of the episode, and Nicky was there, but still. They need to be around more. Like, a lot more. If this series is going to do something like a group of teen superheroes working together to fight crime, then they need the teen superheroes. All of them. The writers seem to have been straying from that the past few episodes.

AND.

I never thought I'd say this, but...I miss the whole family values thing. I mean, what did the kiddie viewers learn in this episode? Nothing. Not that I care, but the inconsistency of Ultimate is starting to go a little bit awry.

So...that's really all I have to say this time. Not their best episode at all. And it's a shame, because bringing in The Hulk could have been pretty awesome. That, and I wish Gwen was in this series. I've said this already, but if there must be a love interest, Gwen all the way. Sorry, MJ.

Didn't see it? Tune in for it again tonight! And please check out the poll on the side to give me your opinions on this week's episode!

- your most erratic hero

"Ultimate Spider-Man: Why I Hate Gym Review"

In this episode, Taskmaster, hired by Mr. Osburn, goes to Peter Parker's school undercover as a substitute gym teacher. He gives the students test to see if he can find the one who is secretly Spider-Man. While he sees that Petey meets the quota, his physical skills are less than desirable (of course, Petey is just faking to hide his identity from the other students, and unknowingly, Taskmaster).

There's a call-back on Saturday with a select few students (including Flash Thompson) so he can determine which is the one he believes is Spider-Man. Ava, ticked that she didn't get called back, is at the school, and notices strange goings-on. So she calls Spidey.

Spider-Man and White Tiger have to work together (*cough, choke* teamwork *cough*) to save the students and defeat Taskmaster.

The episode was funny. And action-y. And very much Spider-Man.

But I've just got one major beef.

Where was Sam? What episode can be called an episode without Sam? Hello.

Herp derp, writers. Herp derp.

Anyway.

Spidey and Tiger storm the building. Taskmaster is already inside, terrorizing Flash, Harry Obsorn, and Danny, who was also called back, coincidentally, and has tied up Principal Phil Coulson. Danny gets Flash and Harry to relative safety and then attempts to use his Iron Fist powers to stop Taskmaster, but quickly realizes that Taskmaster can match his every move.

Taskmaster then leaves Danny defeated and goes to find Spidey, who he believes is Flash Thompson.

And the episode goes from there.

Not really much to say in these reviews anymore, considering that I think I've covered mostly everything opinion-wise in previous reviews. So really, all I have to say is that, if you did see it, check out the poll on the side of the page, perhaps?

And if you didn't see it, or just want to see it again, check it out again tonight!

- failing in terms of writing reviews,
your most erratic hero

"The Mustai Craze"

A new species has begun and it's already endangered.

This is what it's called: Girls Who Do NOT Have An Obsession With Mustai.

And for those uninformed, mustai is plural for mustache.

I know, you all say mustaches, but I don't. Can't. Mustaches reminds me of pistachio, as in pistachio ice cream. So if I was to ever say mustaches in public, I would probably end up uttering mustachio, further embarrassing myself.

So it's mustai.

Anyway.

It seems like having a mustache is the coolest thing ever. Mustaches are awesome. But, really?

At some point, I'm pretty sure that guys thought having a mustache makes them look tougher, but Don't Mess With The Zohan-esque mentality has them now way too indulged in their amount of body hair and it seems that facial hair has gone to the girls. Apparently, girls think now that mustaches are cool on each other, or themselves, or whatever.

It's plastered all over the Internet and several forms of pop culture: girls taking pictures of themselves with a mustache. A squiggly mustache doodled on a little piece of paper and taped to the lip, a mustache scribbled on the index finger and held beneath the nose, some strands of hair from which you can inhale your own shampoo, a mustache drawn carefully on the upper lip with a magic marker.

Anyway they can think of, they do it.

I'm guessing that the mentality that girls having facial hair is a bad thing has gone completely out the window now, because girls seem to think it's the coolest thing to have a mustache, even though what they don't seem to understand is that by doing any or more of the mustaching techniques above, it makes you resemble LOLCats in funny little suits and bowties with I Haz Mustache thought bubbles over their heads.

As evolution will have it, soon it will be almost impossible to find a normal shirtless guy picture on the Internet, because they'll still be shirtless, yes, but they'll all have taken a Sharpie to their pecs and drawn on lacy little bras and bikinis because it will be oh so cool and, yeah, you can't touch this, `cause I Haz Bra and whatever.

However, if that doesn't happen, we'll have another problem. Guys will suddenly feel emasculated by all the girls with mustaches and they might just go into hiding, or join The Joker in his journey for world power, and no more shirtless guys for the teenaged girls of the Internet who can't be arsed to wax or shave or wipe the ink the heck off their upper lips.

So technically, teenage girls are building up their own demise.

But, whatever.

So, go on. You haz mustache. Your awesome radiates and you're practically untouchable.

- your most erratic hero
    (who, by the way, no haz mustache)

"Ultimate Spider-Man Review: Flight of the Iron Spider"

Too many commercials and, honestly, not much substance.

But as of yet, that's a little beside the point.

In this episode, we got to see our legendary Iron Man, aka Tony Stark, whom Spidey apparently has a man-crush on, according to Nova. We open up with the members of SHIELD battling Living Laser, who poofs off, and then Spidey meets his idol, Iron Man, who offers Spidey "guidance".

An offer that Nick Fury will have nothing of.

And you can't blame Nicky, because what happens when Spidey goes against an order to stay away from Stark is probably exactly what he envisioned erupting. Tony builds Spider-Man his own iron suit, thus Spidey vows to become Iron Spider.

Which, might I add, is a beyond awesome name.

Anyway, getting into the episode after some long commercials, we got to the classic Disney aspect of it, which kinda disappointed me a little, even though I saw it coming. When Spidey shows up to training in his new iron suit, he gloats and yada yada, and the team gets annoyed with him. So, obviously, after a few days of this and Spidey accidentally destroying pretty much anything in his path because he doesn't know how to control the suit just yet, they get fed up with him, and ditch him completely after another run-in with Living Laser.

But after they walk away, Spidey notices something wrong with the suit.

Something that wasn't just his inability to use it right.

And I don't want to give it away for those who haven't seen it. But if you're someone reading this review because you didn't see it, it's on again tonight, so watch out for it, and if you really want a little hint before waiting some hours for the episode to air again, you know how the suit runs on energy?

And Living Laser is energy?

Yeah.

If you've just stumbled upon this review? Don't really watch Spider-Man but like what you're reading? Check it out, why don't you - it's seriously awesome.

And if you're a non-Spidey fan but looking to see what it's like, same as above. Watch it!

Anyway, I think this show is finally getting into the groove of actually making episodes, not just instances in the life of Spidey as a superhero. Not that those first episodes weren't awesome, because I haven't seen a non-awesome episode of US yet. However, I think we're still a little cheesy here.

The importance of friendship.

Reliability.

Teamwork.

The usual.

I just hope that life lessons aren't pounded continuously into kids' heads in this series. And I also hope, for all kids watching, you know, that they stop with the strategic camera angles of Ava in her White Tiger suit.

*ahem*

Not to mention, I hope that someone else gets the victory now and then, and not just Petey. Do NOT get me wrong. I love Spider-Man. He's awesome. But it seems like he always comes out on top and the other members of SHIELD are just there to back up his awesomeness. They have awesomeness too, right? The show needs to showcase it just a little more, and they weren't really key characters in this episode, even though they had their usual screen time.

Anyway.

If you like Iron Man, I'm sure you'll like this episode. I did, anyway. And tune in next week for another new episode!

- your most erratic hero

(Fun Fact: Check out the poll on the side. Who looks the best out of superhero uniform?)

"What Makes A Friend A Friend #2"

A good friend will fight alongside you for a good cause.

A best friend will fight alongside you to the death in an Avengers-esque showdown, and scream "You'd better be worth this, loser!"

- your most erratic hero

"What Makes A Friend A Friend #1"

An awkward moment.