"Watch Out For RE:AL.ITY"

If I wasn't (possibly) your friendly neighborhood shape-shifter/Osmosian/superhero, do you know what I would want to be? A writer. Or a director. Or both, even. And I actually do want to do that, even if saving the world is possibly my main priority (you never know).

Recently, I, your most erratic hero, and your most erratic hero's side-kick (the Robin to my Batman, aka, my brother) are working on a very important project. Maybe more important than that horrible thing that you didn't know almost could have happened to you this morning that maybe I prevented. Far more important, perhaps.

It's a short film, five minutes or less. I had written a little practice script targeting the after-affects of cyber-bullying ("Tyler"), and my brother thought that we could  make it into our first official short film, since the werewolf masterpiece we had plotted for days before combusted and was back-burnered. So we stayed up that night at his multi-million dollar condo on the beach in an undisclosed location and concocted the new script, and there it was.

You see, we Home-schoolers do have a lot of our time on our hands, so why not make a short film?

Keep an eye out for RE:AL.ITY.

- your most erratic hero

"Flaring Up Your Coulrophobia"

I'm sure a lot of us agree on this - older kids shows were a lot more entertaining than today's. Better sets, better characters, better values, less annoying animated characters who speak to the camera and repeat the ABCs every episode. Better music. And here's another reason:

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.

The Big Comfy Couch? Surely you've seen it. No? Shame, shame. Oh, well. You will now. All you have to do is type "Major Bedhead" into your search bar and it should pop right up. And, as you watch the video, yes, this is a kiddie show. Please don't let the popping and locking and perhaps inappropriate shaking fool you.

But now that we're older and more perverse, let's have a little fun with this.

Your most erratic hero has recently discovered something very funny. Open a new tab and look up a little song entitled Sexy and I Know It. Go back to the clown video, mute it. Overlay the song with the funny clown video and there you have probably one of the most disturbing things you'll see all day.

Experiment. Have fun with it. Mix and match other songs. I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt? Go ahead. And once you're all done putting dancing clowns to horrid songs, discover how dirty you feel singing the Liar, Liar song.

You're welcome.

- your most erratic hero

"6 Very Stupid Things That People Do In Pictures"

1. The Duck Face

This I'm not sure of. Out of all silly faces to make when taking a photo of yourself, why this? And to any of you fortunate to have not encountered the Duck Face, it's where you push your lips out and bug out your eyes like a duck. A choking duck, about to spew out the frog it accidentally swallowed.

2. Peace!

Doing the peace sign for no particular reason, most commonly while pushing out your lips in similar fashion to the Duck Face and leaning toward the camera.

3. "Oops, My Eyes Are Up Here"

First, extend the arm with the camera above your head and look up toward it, usually cocking your head in such a quirky way (see: Sky High). In this variation, most likely wearing something revealing with the camera very strategically aimed. Oops. A lot of the times, the camera holder is smiling hugely and perversely, but sometimes affects look of shock that clearly reads "you're not supposed to see this, but my hand hit the shutter button and posted this pic itself".

4. Sky High

Very similar to the Oops, My Eyes Are Up Here. Hold the camera up, smile, quirk head. Also known as the Myspace Pose.

5. Ye-auh, I So Random, PICKLE!

You'll probably need the following items:
- a funny hat
- a crazy friend
- something weird to hold up to the camera
- someone to take the picture for you

Most commonly occurs when someone is trying to make a picture seem spontaneous. You and your friend will wear funny hats, hold up something like your favorite Pikachu doll, make stupid faces (cross your eyes too much and eventually they won't uncross...), and have another friend take the picture for you.

6. Glamor Shot

In this one, you should probably just sit there in front of the camera, turn your head toward your shoulder, and pucker your lips, but not so much as you would in the Duck Face. Apparently, people who do this believe it to be seductive. Desperate when done by girls, very disturbing when done by guys.

"Home-Schoolers: Species 8,700,001"

The best part about being home-schooled is that I can blog when most of you out there can't.

I guess a majority of all of you aren't reading this, though, because you're most likely on your way to, what, your second class? Nothing personal, but it's barely mid-morning and I have all my homework done already. I'm a free sailor now. And you can argue that us Home-schoolers don't have homework, but we do. Home + school work = homework.

Contrary to popular belief, not all of us sit around the kitchen table and sing songs. We are capable of mathematics.

And the next best thing about being home-schooled is... Wait, never mind. I was just interrupted to go fold the laundry, and here I was going to say the next best thing about home-schooling is getting to be at home all day. But I do appreciate the social seclusion.

I'm sure there are lots of misconceptions about Home-schoolers. For instance, how you make fun of us for sitting around on our fat butts all day on our computers. Do we? Well, if we have nothing better to do. But in all of our spare time, what if we're out saving the world? Ending world hunger? I'm sure that it never occurred to you that maybe the Joker really does exist and that Batman is the urban legend, and you just never notice because it's us Home-schoolers keeping the danger at bay.

Just something to think about on the way to your next classroom.

- your most erratic hero