"The Art of Internet Flirting"

There's something I've been observing lately online, and it's the behavior of teenaged girls on the internet.

It's freaking embarrassing, and they're setting a horrible example.

But surfing Wattpad is fun, especially when reading through the messages of teenaged girls who run around on the site, latching onto any guy they see and attempting to flirt. It's funny. It's hysterical.

But most of all, it's impractical.

And that just makes it all the more funny.

Since I'm just a socially secluded descendant of species 8,700,001 (AKA, a Home-Schooler), I've never been out to witness the actual act of flirting. But from what I've seen on TV, it usually goes like this:

You walk up to whoever is in your sights and drop a handkerchief, or, if you're a guy, bow politely and say, "May I have this dance?"

But that might be too many eras ago. Here's something a little more practical.

Girl walks up to boy.
Girl: Hi.
Boy: Oh. Hi.
Girl: So.
Boy: ...Nice day.
Girl: Sure.
Boy: What's up?
Girl: Nothing much. You?

And conversation starts, maybe.

And then we have the teenaged girls of the internet, who flirt through their keyboards.

Girl (typing): Lolol, hiiiiiii <3

Or...

Girl (typing): Make me a sandwich!

...or...

Girl (typing): *runs in circles, screaming* Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! <3

No joke.

And no comment.

OR, we could put the teenaged girls of the internet out into the real world and see what we come up with.

Girl walks up to boy.
Boy: ...Uh...hi.
Girl begins to run in circles.
Girl:  LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH OUT LOUD, HIIIII! MAKE ME A SANDWICH! I'M SOOOOOO CRAZY! I LOVE YOU!!!
Boy quickly walks away. Girl returns to her computer.

So, to all and any girls I see on Wattpad who are flirting shamelessly and thinking they're charming and attractive by saying silly and explicit things, you're not getting anywhere. Please give it up before I use my superpowers for evil and mass-report all of you for inappropriate behavior.

Just saying.

- your most erratic hero